Escaping the Rock

About 33,000ft up I was listening to my favourite songs and eating Chinese plane food hoping the next 25 days would go well and not break my budget as much as I fear it will do. Through a layer of clouds a rural landscape appeared below as we ever so gradually descended into Kunming, Yunnan Province. Getting an impression of things to come the brand new airport was of such an immense scale I could not quite believe my eyes and upon speaking to an American family that live in the city found out it is the third biggest in the entire country!

We appeared to be the only occupants as I spoke with businessman Matt, his wife and two daughters going along the ghost hallways to a multi lane immigration area and hangar like room containing 15 of the biggest baggage carousels I have ever seen- only two being used! Into the architectural marvel of the arrival area (bigger than T5) I knew life would not be easy here from the moment I saw the metro was shut and so went into the cool night air, avoided dodgy non metered taxi drivers and paid 25 Yuen for an Airport Shuttle having no clue as to where the drop off points were as was unusually underprepared- no map, no guide book and the only photo of the directions was on my small camera which had ran out of battery- WITHOUT A PADDLE was an understatement!

What I naively presumed would be a large town was actually a city with a population of 7 million people and so just stared at all the neon skyscrapers, western chains such as Wal-Mart and Carrefour and all the other signs this was a very modern metropolis. I stayed on till the last stop by two fancy hotels and went into a Samsung store where a guy with limited English skills looked up my hostel online and very helpfully called them so he could tell me what direction and bus to take- good first impressions of the Chinese. With no change the driver let me on for free and so I stood eagle eyeing every available street sign and stop that had English characters until Jinbi Road was reached. Out on the street I had a feeling I was going in the right direction (50/50) and when came to a pedestrianised area in the centre saw the ‘Hump Hostel’ at the other end. I entered the YHA at 9.30pm and was very pleased with the big bed and set up of my 10 bed dorm which was in near perfect temperature (window open so not fan or a/c assisted). After locking myself out when went for a deserved shower I stored my valuables and used the free draught beer voucher at the bar finishing it in no time as straight away got speaking to a number of Americans from the Peace Corps- all spread out in towns many hours from here in different provinces and on a few days holiday to sample western culture- love the irony as I feel the opposite! Texan McKinley shared her spicy mint fries then I ate a bacon cheese sandwich (very local) as moved up to the 15 Yuen Tsing Tao’s (ran out of draught) and got told many useful words and tips that no doubt would forget within minutes. I beat a Swedish guy twice at pool (one from being awesome and the next by the two greatest words- De Fault) and stayed in the warm surroundings of the bar talking away to the really friendly yanks and having their drunken Vietnamese born friend Steve introduce me to alcoholic 12% plum juice. Most only arrived in the early hours of last night so one by one slipped away leaving me and McKinley to chat away till the bar shut. We made sure Steve made it to his room then I failed in finding a VPN or proxy so can use Facebook on my laptop (not the end of the world) and fell asleep about 1am.

I slept well but still felt really tired by morning as washed my face, filled my backpack with essentials and ordered breakfast. I sat with McKinley and Melissa on the chilly rooftop overlooking the square and main road forever waiting for my food to arrive but was handed a fabulous slice of toast with Philadelphia smothered on top in the meantime. My egg, tomato, pepper, vegetable mix thing (looked like an omelette that had fallen apart) with toast was just about enough as I went over the bus stop and waited for the 107 to take me via the big Railway Station to Yong Ping La – phase 1 of my Stone Forest Day.

On the other road to the right I stood at the no.60 stop a while (stared at and spoken to by funny locals) until a young security guard took me over to where I should be as it had unknowingly moved. When it took a good 45 minutes to reach the Eastern Bus Station on the way to the airport I knew today was going to be significantly longer than hoped but luckily I met a Danish girl from my room and so was now not alone with the added bonus she could ask speak some Chinese meaning purchasing tickets for the next bus and finding the right door was made slightly easier. Now already near 12 myself and Sarah made sure we were at the front of the 25 Yuen bus that would take well over an hour to reach our destination as the driver didn’t dare exceed 60kmh. She is only 19 but has been living in Beijing teaching at a military school since August so learnt a lot about things to do there and how the whole system works; not being able to get many words in my eyes were shutting and I accidentally drifted off. It was interesting going up and down hills, over ‘Foggy sections’, through tunnels and past a lake seeing bad driving and many confusing signs. Nearly 4 hours since leaving The Hump we were at the famous Stone Forest so paid 200 Yuen for entrance/shuttle and were amongst many tour groups/minority performers as was soon being transported to the actual entrance 2km away- what a con!

Being a local holiday meant that no matter how natural and interesting the grey stone formations were all the tourists just made it feel like Disneyland not being real at all; Sarah bought a white hat making her hit her head a few times.

We vaguely followed confusing maps going along a number of narrow paths (some congested) and stairs being amused at the unsubtle security cameras, tiny tables and chaos on the viewpoint Pagoda with everyone pushing you about to take a crappy photo. 100% regretting coming here at that point it was nice to be surrounded by towers off the main route all on our own so could appreciate it and enjoy the area much more.

Giving up on things such as the ‘immortal Turtle’ we found Lotus Pond to be a man made affair complete with pipes and uncovered lights. Even though we almost avoided it, the Minor Stone Forest’ trumped everything previous as in a very picturesque grass and tree setting the stones appeared to grow out of the land- much better than the monotony of everything looking similar.

In total we were at the UNESCO World Heritage Site (think they practically give these away nowadays- almost doesn’t mean anything anymore) less than 2 hours when ate a full roasted duck complete with head and limbs and egg fried rice at the restaurant as thought our bus ticket had 5.40 written on it; getting much better at chopsticks and tried all the pieces of my first full on Chinese meal in decades. All relaxed and fully accepted that happy hour would have ended by time we got back it turned out the number was not a time at all but a number plate.

Thinking we missed our bus, by sheer coincidence ours was the next one (in other words if knew that originally would of sat waiting an hour instead of going for a meal!) and much like on the way here I fell asleep for quite a while only to see that not much progress had been made due to an accident a few kilometres away. It wasn’t to be until 8pm when at the station and in a metered cab (an old guy tried ‘guiding’ us and then asked for pens or coins from our home countries) for the half hour trip in comfort meaning 80% of the day was just getting there and back with only 20% at the attraction itself- welcome to China Antony! I will try my best not to go through that again by not visiting things that are well out of the way- ridiculously long day. I managed to be in the bar for a bottle of beer feeling refreshed within 15 minutes then me and Sarah communicated with a Chinese student who wanted to improve her English so sat with her and another guy a while with me always eyeing up the ping pong and the door for my friends so could have a lively night. Used to most things going my way at the moment McKinley, Melissa, Alex, Jeremy, Steve, Amanda and co did come back and so went on the strong fruit drink and began having fun as well as Phoenix Jason persuading me to not visit Shangri-La making my time in Yunnan much less rushed and less time on buses- yay. When the cold got too much we hung by the bar till they closed (never tells you when so always unexpected and therefore cannot prepare by buying a few at once) then I drank a little bit too much local 52% Baijiu out a small round glass bottle by the shop downstairs using Sprite as a chaser; nigh on polished it off on my own in 15 minutes as Scuba Steve’s treat (legend). Practically behind us was an open bar so we went into and I sat chatting to Alex (from Long Beach CA and only 4’11) being told I am ‘an interesting guy’. Some Chinese men got rather angry at something Steve said and all of a sudden big fight very nearly broke out with me inevitably going to join in (tall is intimidating.lol) but no punches were thrown and it didn’t materialise although was a good time to leave. On the roof I spoke to McKinley (again the last two standing) til noticed it was 5.10am and so went to my room not having any water as nothing open.

I forced myself not to carry on sleeping so could actually make it to Dali at a normal time but was still kind of drunk as knocked a few things over when reached the outside tables where Sarah and a few others were. I saw how good Jason was at reading Chinese symbols and his ability to speak the language fluently and in the right tones (only been here 18 months- how the hell? It would take me till the end of my days I reckon), gave out my email, ate a very different sweet and sour chicken to what was so used to at Tanin Market in Chiang Mai, went to the cake shop and at about 1pm knew should get going; will party with Sarah in Beijing in a couple of weeks but won’t see the others again I expect.

In a more sensible Berghaus t-shirt, as I felt the odd drop of rain, I ended up walking up the Pedestrianised street past the Brilliant Mall and then quite a ways along Nanning Road to the closest no.82 bus stop as construction work on the new subway system meant the first couple were not available. Literally the moment I approached the stop and thought to myself ‘I want it to be here now’ it glided past me and so sat awkwardly for the half hour to the West Bus Station which is clearly much less touristy and no signs saying where I should go. A random guy picked me out the ticket line and took me to the right buses but as didn't have a ticket he was just wasting my time and so went back to spend 138 Yuen and sit on board the 14.50 to Dali. I didn’t know the seats were numbered so got moved twice before the engine was turned on and we were on our way to what I hope will be a great backpacker hangout- going to stay a few nights. Although my eyes felt so tired I knew I had to type out the goings on from the past three days so did that till 6pm then managed to edit a few photos before the laptop died just as we reached Xiaguan (New Dali) an hour later. At the bus station absolutely nothing was in English and I even went as far as confirming with the driver we were in the right place. Out on the street I was close to losing hope of being able to go anywhere without paying a fortune for a taxi but once communicated with a guy on a form of tuk tuk what the train station was through a picture on his phone (‘t-ron’) I was on my way. Charging 15 Yuen he took me along the very bumpy highways to the modern station as I pretended to go up the stairs so he wouldn’t try and take me to the old town. Again clueless I saw some buses so stood by them presuming none would be going anytime soon until a number of Chinese all of a sudden got on a number 8 so did the same and within a few minutes we were moving along the south western edge of the lake- things are getting better. I stayed onboard till the very end by the beautifully lit West Gate and did exactly what my directions told me so crossed the highway and walked about 450 metres and up a side way to the big Jade Emu and Roo complex; was an ok 8.15pm.

In contrast to Kunming there was no deposit and I pay when I leave so just got taken up to my large 4 bed dorm, changed and sat at the bar with my Kindle using the VPN Wi-Fi meaning Facebook worked- awesome. Once eaten some fried rice and had a cheap but weak Tsing Tao I decided to go to my room and relaxed and with the noise at the bar lessening I added photos to travellerspoint and edited the rest of my photos and was asleep just as the French couple who were in the beds below came in and rudely talked not unloudly; bloody frogs...they don’t ever get better.

I woke up sniffling and feeling fresh as for some reason the French had already vacated and even left the door wide open; not sure if was snoring or what but they were only around for 12 hours total thank god. I went down for an English style breakfast (baked beans, bacon, toasted roll and eggs), got some Dali tips from an English Chinese couple from Shanghai then finished off my Thai diary before leaving at 11am to go and explore the ‘ancient walled city’. I began at an unimpressive gate and went on and along a remaining part of the Old Wall to the South Gate where many Chinese tourists were; good temperature and in a jumper with boardies.

I visited the supermarket to inspect the prices I should be paying for things and was surprised how cheap the Yunnan wine was (20 Yuen- £2) as well as the water being half what the hostel charge plus big packets of biscuits for only 5 so bought them and a solitary but huge banana. I walked through the gate onto Fu Xing Lu seeing many souvenir and jewellery shops and stalls selling things on a stick so bought a crispy one now knowing it had sauce on it so dripped that all over my hands and map- very clever.

Past the WuHua Building I continued onto the popular Ren Min Lu to see the infamous bars that I keep hearing about and overpriced restaurants selling primarily Western food. Instead I spent only 4 on a thick doughy pancake thing that tasted very good and was of a good size; think i’ve found my ‘dish’ here.

I went on a part of ‘Foreigner Street’ then to the lifeless park which had more concrete and grey than green vegetation. By now near the North Gate I saw a ceremony as part of the ‘Tomb cleaning Festival’ then did something I always love to do in a new country- visit a local market.

I kept my finger on the trigger as zig zagged along the rows past meat then vegetables and onto live chickens and finally fish that were splashing about in the shallowest of water (Yes I did get wet) alongside their very dead friends and bowls of what I am guessing is the ‘leftovers’. I saw a minority Bai lady purchasing what I am guessing is a form of Tofu with chilli on top so sampled it and was given a block for the equivalent of 20p; went well with the 30p bag of red grapes I had almost finished.

I went all the way along Bo Al Lu, stopping at Wu Temple, to buy that bottle of wine I had my eye on then went towards the lone pagoda but there was a barrier saying that construction work was going on and it was closed.

Despite a women staring from afar I shouted that I was going to go over for a photo without going close to the tall, old structure itself. Thinking I was fine I waved and went towards the barrier when her big extremely aggressive dog barked nearby and all of a sudden chased me making me run as fast as my flip flops could take me fearing for my life. Her shouting and the fact I was well out his ‘domain’ halted him but my god was that a close call; worth the photo though as no damage done except for my pride. A bit flustered I went the five minutes to Jade Emu, ate some of the Athens biscuits in my lovely empty room and went through photos by the bar.

I struck up a conversation with Merseysider Tom who is a proper lad and has been in and out of China for about 3 years and Dali for 5 months only working 2 days a week earning £180 and being paid in alcohol at Bad Monkey’s Bar. I think he spends all his free time drinking and recovering from drinking (fair enough, he is only 20) so he bought me a bottle of Crown Lager (well the owners are Aussie) as we kept talking then played some pool on the slanted table. Now typing this I lost so had to wait for another go when played Darren who I think has been here a while also and clearly played umpteenth times on this exact table as was doubling it every go; I got us to a decider and lost on the black so can hold my head up high. I spent a fair while writing in my new diary with a pen one of the Peace Corps crew gave me then changed into warm clothes just as a group of three Frenchies ruined my own room charm. I arrived at Bad Monkey about half an hour into the Liverpool vs West Ham game and had Tom (who was working) hand me a beer then saw German Felix who happened to see at the West Bus Station the day before. We talked about China and what each of us are up to in general then an Aussie from Perth started speaking to me as he thought I was a fellow countrymen- think my accent is getting stronger! As will be in the city soon we went over all the awesome things that make it so much better than elsewhere with City Beach being both of our favourites. With the game being dire and ending goalless we listened to the talented Canadian band who were on stage then watched some keen Chinese girls sexy dance with guys they picked out the crowd; everyone shouting ‘Gaunbi’ which translates into ‘take your top off’. My cold was getting progressively worse and because was speaking so loudly my throat was struggling to cope and was on the verge of leaving when Felix insisted on buying a couple more. When the party died down about 1am we left, as going the same way, and was not long fast asleep.

A bit of a mess in the morning I was glad the girl in the room was in a similar state as lay there for a while trying to feel better as sent some necessary emails, figured out a new Yunnan plan and wrote up to date. I finished the biscuits and eventually grew restless so went to ask the staff some questions on where things are and what to do then in just a t-shirt (not best idea) had a thick pancake on Ren La, took out 2800 Yuen from the International ATM, bought paracetamol (had Chinese letters written in advance to make it easy) and went to the Train Booking Office where the lady spoke enough English for her to understand exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately there were only ‘hard seats’ available for the overnight trip (fantastic) but at least it saved me a few quid.

At Jade Emu I hung about the bar on my laptop looking up various things and finding out that every single one my photos on my website (www.photoboxgallery.com/ascottphotography) were never set to public despite being on there for 6 months- was so annoyed at myself for not having noticed sooner. I went about picking my favourites from the second leg of the trip (India onwards) and editing them further so were good enough to be available ‘for sale’ despite not making a penny so far probably because of the muck up. At about 9pm I went to Bad Monkey and although in quite a good mood was just not feeling sociable so sat by the bar for two bottles of Dali and left; little bit pointless but at least got me out and about. I went online for a while and accidentally fell asleep for 4 hours waiting for Amy to get home from work in London. At 5.30am I took my kindle downstairs away from the rooms and skyped her for nearly an hour, finding out how badly damaged Easyjet made her bag and jewellery but that she found a nice, cheap £475 a month house share which was a simple bus ride to her new work- happy everything worked out as was a little concerned.

Feeling well enough to do something strenuous I had a Yunnan Coffee and porridge and was all set to go and rent a bicycle in the old town but the girl at reception very kindly let me use hers so once made the seat lower was good to go. I wheeled it most of the way to the pedestrianised area thinking this was the polite and probably legal way to go but when saw motorbikes disregarding things I went down to the East Gate and soon found the road going towards the port of Caicun finding my ‘Giant’ to be very smooth and lovely to ride. I located the scenic road that ran along the west of Er Hai Lake and steadily past by the acres of farmland (mainly older people working- noticeably few of the younger generation) and through the many same same villages finding there to be few cars to worry about so for the most part went no handed having a very relaxing time breathing in good clean air.

At Pan Xi I accidentally walked in the ladies public toilet so made a swift exit further into the fishing town to a small temple by a basketball court. A few minutes further along I stopped at Xiang Yang Xi, sat on a concrete wall and dangled my legs over the water eating my baked snacks watching the empty, near lifeless lake; no boat traffic to speak of (very strange).

Here I opted to turn around and soon went along a track to the Dali-Lijiang highway for a quick way back but this did my weak lungs no favours with all the trucks and coaches going by beeping their horns unnecessarily. Getting a little tired and the wind blowing in my face I was glad to see the Three Pagodas getting closer and closer so turned off onto the road that ran right to the them completely in symmetry and took photos using my zoom lens so didn’t have to waste over 100 Yuen just so I could be closer as no one is allowed inside due to safety fears.

I booked my 558 Yuen bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai (first day I can), used my last remaining notes to buy a Snicker’s Bar and a 30% juice drink and chose not to go to the university for a panorama of the area. I spoke to Swiss Dominic at Jade Emu, realised how burnt my shoulders were (ultimate farmer tan), fell asleep for about an hour and along with English Nolly who just arrived the three of us ventured to Bad Monkey for dinner. We sat outside in comfortable temperatures having an Amber draught beer (is a micro brewery) and a pricy Smokehouse Burger & chips (£7 for both- splashing out) hearing how bad Lijiang is from Dominic and a funny Irish couple he knew making me feel another night here might be justified then sunk some bottles before trying to see if anywhere else was open. It appears that Tuesday’s are not a happening night so ended up where we started till 1am when I wanted to go.

As has been the case since the food poisoning a few months ago there always seems to be something wrong with me and even though my cold had almost gone (just a cough remained) a toothache had taken its place with a vengeance leaving me in quite alot of pain. For hours I had near zero motivation or willingness to even get off from my top bunk so rested, felt sorry for myself, slightly changed some plans and went about uploading photos to Photobox for the first time in about 6 months. I did some writing and once a second strong paracetamol took effect I was able to go outside for a pancake and to hang around the aisles of the supermarket wondering what would be good to purchase; ended up with a bag of local crisps, biscuits, one banana, two big waters and a Gatorade!

I wrapped up warm, was totally unproductive doing pointless tasks, skyped Mum in the lounge area, started taking my Co-Amoxiclav antibiotics (have them on me just for this reason) and ate a warm pumpkin porridge by the bar before a black kitten tried resting right on my keyboard. I tilted if off before it destroyed anything, skyped Nick about the possibility of my photos making some money over in the States and tried sleeping about midnight unable to lay my head in its usual position as where the pain was.

I was restless throughout the night but come morning and probably something to do with taking two paracetamol instead of one I was unusually warm and literally buzzing when Nolly said she had booked us onto an 11am bus to Lijiang. Unable to continue hibernating I packed in double quick time, heard loud thunder above, fitted in a shower and waited with her for a guy to take us in his car to the south of town where a cramped 19 seater minibus came to get us. We were totally full by the time we left Dali meaning I had barely enough room to breathe on the back row as we chatted a while going up into the mountains (has a French background). I stretched my legs at the 1 Yuen toilet stop then my right butt cheek went numb so was glad to see the airport meaning only another 22km to go. In town we worked out correctly which side of the road to take the bus from and stepped on the number 8 all the way to the main entrance to Lijiang’s ‘Ancient Town’ despite two locals trying to get us to change buses. Luckily the 80 Yuen entrance fee isn’t exactly enforced well (would of not stayed if had to pay that!) as we made our way towards Mama Naxi’s Guesthouse through the streets all lined with the same shops, same style of building, fast food chains, nothing remotely old and hundreds of smiling, camera wielding Chinese; was very glad am not spending any time here as is so artificial and overpriced to the max. Remarkably we didn’t get lost and so when at our place checked in, signed up for dinner and also paid for the bus to the gorge in the morning before a well dressed old man showed us to the dorm room in the next building through a pleasant courtyard. Not wanting to explore anymore than we already had we lay down on our beds, spoke with American Molly (kind of confusing) and had the most amazing ‘family meal’ at 6.30pm. Each given a bowl of rice and a small mug of tea various dishes were placed on the table including eggplant, grilled fish, minced pork, chicken , vegetables, fried potatoes and crispy egg snacks so could eat however much we wanted with extras always available. Using chopsticks I ate a lot and was definitely the best meal in the country so far by a country mile. It was a very sociable experience and so delicious that was pretty full by the end- was last of course. I spoke to Fanny on the internet (no Facebook however and not expecting it again) then chilled with the girls a while finally drinking the wine I bought days ago as we looked up movie trailers on youtube.com and got told off by one of the many Israelis in another room for being too loud (so many here). Although the tablets had long worn off I hadn’t taken any more and was still feeling good so had high hopes for a good hike with my new friends.

Up at 7.30am on what was my 1000th day I finalised what was taking with me, put big bag into storage and ordered two things for breakfast thinking they would be on the small side- how wrong was I. The banana pancake must of had half a bunch of the fruit on top and then my porridge was enormous and oh so hot meaning ran out of time to finish it as we needed to get going; only hostel you should stay at here...food and hospitality are exceptional! We walked to one dinky toy van and was soon transferred into another of equal proportions but this time with me getting that fold down bitch seat by the door with a back that didn’t even reach my shoulder blades- oh the joys of being big in Asia. Now with Danish Lena (just arrived but chose to change plans and go hiking with us) the four of us eagerly anticipated Tiger Leaping Gorge having heard so much about it. Going on slow, congested roads weaving around the pillars of the as yet to be completed highway (when done the area will change for the worse!) I listened to music until we were made to change buses again for a short journey to the ticket office at Qiatou where it is 65 Yuen to enter although no one ever checked it.

We bought snacks and water at a very dusty shop then 400 yards along a tarmac road past a school there was the turning onto the start of the High Trail; so far not what expected. Inevitably I was leading the way the majority of the time as the views became better looking down over a green river valley, flood plains and hills although electrical cables were a constant nuisance. As we increased in altitude and moved further into the gorge you could see just how tall some of the mountains were as their icy peaks showed themselves in the cloud above.

Now on a narrow path I saw a lady going towards a shack by a good viewpoint and she tried charging 3 Yuen for us to be there taking photos so I obviously flat out refused even though the cheeky hag grabbed my arm. Not too far along we reached Naxi Family GH for some watery soup filled with uncooked potatoes and pumpkin (was awful) but were given fresh strawberries from one of the men with mules who hoped our bags or ourselves would eventually cave in and pay money to use his ‘convenient’ service.

Unfit Lena did get on one as did one half of an older German couple so that the next steep hill and infamous 28 bends could be completed. Going well ahead now the sun was out making things rather warm and initially had no idea I was on the toughest part of the trek until figured it out from all the steep bends and confirming with another hiker. Finding things not overly tough but still hard work I was relieved to be at the top where a Polish couple were and pointed me to a ‘free view’ where the clouds and wind made things decidedly cooler indeed.

The girl took a great shot of me at the edge overlooking the Yangtze and the steepest/highest section of the world’s deepest gorge then sat sheltered with them, Molly, Nolly and Lena. We cracked on to Tea Horse GH and a further 70 minutes later were nearing the end of the first day when skimming the edge of cliffs going quickly just to finish.

At 6.20pm we made it to Halfway House (cars about so not quite that remote and nothing like Nepal in that respect) so once in the dorm showered while it was still light under really hot water and changed into clean, unsweaty clothes and sandals that didn’t fit (provided under each bed). For dinner I had strong Naxi garlic bread (whole pieces atop) and a Chinese equivalent of the rice with chilli and pork I had in Chiang Mai as well as a beer to commemorate my anniversary and a good day completed. Once heard a noisy group of Chinese above in the rain jumping up and down I turned in about 10.15pm only to see neither myself of Nolly had blankets anymore so caused a bit of a hoo ha trying to use charades when telling the staff what the matter was only to be told they were in the locker we were given a key for- the other two speak Chinese but had their own room so was rather embarrassing. I used my headlight to do some things then with eyes shutting slept soundly.

Awake early before 8am Nolly was already outside looking at the view reading her book so put yesterday’s things on and had rice porridge/plain naxi bread to start the day although my 5 Yuen lemon tea was so bland I left it after two sips. Besides taking the wrong exit and going the wrong way for the first ten minutes we made good progress to the waterfall that flows over the path and the slippery but stable downhill for roughly an hour to Tina’s GH and the official end of the trek at 10.10am.

I booked the afternoon bus, waited for the girls and when they caught their breath went along the main road to the second way down to Middle Tiger Leaping Stone going by Dominic’s recommendation (3 in total). We paid 10 Yuen to a man whose family keeps this section maintained (he used our cameras so worth it) and went forth along a narrow and precarious way going over wooden planks, under overhangs and using unstable barriers built into the rock making it an adventure in itself.

There was an altercation when another women from the other family demanded money from us for what we presumed was either for photos or the same thing we just paid for so attempted to go past only for her to throw rocks and wave a stick at shocked Lena upsetting her quite a bit causing much shouting in Chinese; again a huge misunderstanding as she in fact wanted 10 more for the other way up via the ladder- bit OTT and insane though. Away from her we went to the platform mere feet away from the most powerful torrent of water I have ever witnessed. The Yangtze, China’s biggest river, was pouring over rocks with such force that it would be impossible for the best rafters in the world to get out the hellish mass of water alive- so incredible to watch Mother Nature in all its magnificent, terrifying glory that we all sat staring along time in complete awe with 5000 metre high mountains towering over us.

After photos we knew it was time for the steep uphill and when at the foot of the ladder we were all a little worried due to a lack of anything to do with safety. I went first and tried not to look down until nearly missed a step then with one hand on the final bar did a long arm photo of myself with the SLR with Nolly thinking I had frozen with fear as right behind; the contraption shouldn’t even exist.

About twenty minutes hard slog up and the worst was over with just a few more metres to the road and beyond that Tina’s which reached bang on 2pm- no more hiking till Mt Kinabalu in June. We ate some ok lunch and hung about until the buses were ready to depart with Nolly going north to Shangri-La and us going the opposite direction.

I edited the photos from the day but all the time our combined worry was missing the family dinner at Mama Naxi’s. Luckily we stopped at the north entrance to old town Lijiang which was closest to our place and so made it by the skin of our teeth as practically fell through the front door. Noticeably quieter there was one full table then us so had our own mini feast (lots of fried eggplant), moved into our own dorm room, washed under hot water and went for a brief wonder past all the fancy lit up places to a cheap supermarket for a 15 Yuen bottle of sweet red wine each to consume in the room whilst discussing travel and relationships becoming a little light headed by time saw it was approaching 1am and all the alcohol was gone- well except for American Molly who is considerably slower than us Europeans.

When through Thai Immigration I could go straight to my bike and onto the Chinese Embassy, just south of the moat, seeing as didn’t have a bag to collect off the carousel. Having already prepared my papers I passed the other people busy filling out forms and once had explained to the lady behind the window what each confirmation was about (flights and hostels) got given a receipt and told to come back in three days; easy peasy. I rode all the way to the railway station to the east to book my train to Bangkok on Sunday (<600 baht as second class non a/c) then went home to my apartment, via Tanin Market for an early lunch; called the destination station ‘Hump-along’ by accident much to the attendants amusement. I had two hours to finalise a plan for today which was fine as I spend almost all the lesson at The Loft having the guys read out their various homework to each other then asking questions about it meaning it was a guaranteed STT lesson from the get go- just one more left! We evaluated (still flies going for my feet- pests!) then I bought spring rolls, fries, a shake and a big water and chilled at my desk on the internet for a while after unpacking my minimal amount of stuff. Being way more tired than initially thought I could barely keep my eyes open writing at 8.30pm so turned the light off and lay down not even waking for my 11pm alarm so besides turning the computer off at 1am slept right through till morning- can’t remember the last time I had half a day’s rest!

Re-energised I was heavily distracted trying to do my journal (people speaking to me and news articles were main culprits) I didn’t leave the seat till my stomach gargled at 2pm; green curry time! I adapted an old lesson plan, printed it then rode my semi flat bike (front wheel slow puncture) to the rental shop to get shouted at because I should of known to come in morning time (really?- no small print saying that buster). I sped south all the way to the end of the airport boundary and to Big C Supermarket about 9km from my place in total so Hugh could pick me up on his 135cc scooter and go into the cool, green valley’s (first time out of an urban environment in weeks) to Baan Pong and his house that he rents by rice fields and a temple; area felt like Pi but with zero tourism. Mati and Margit were already there taking photos and at 7pm the four ‘new’ ladies arrived for the one off lesson we would each give them; Sutin (Hugh’s cleaner), Dau, Nong and Gerd.

Being on his patio in the evening with everything so still and free of noise was such a change to where we usually do this so we all felt more at ease and relaxed. Going last, I started by having them tell me things about themselves and their likes/dislikes then went over opposites with two pairs saying sentences to each other which went well considering there is no intermediate’s about helping to explain in Thai what I want them to do. They were fun to work with and I was very appreciative that they got me over the final hurdle- 5/5 done! The four of us stayed about an hour longer then Hugh took me to my bike with us talking all the way about Thailand and how I should seriously consider coming back to work. I bought a celebratory Chang on the way home and sat on my balcony sipping it with a grin on my face as listened to the pop music being played at the nearby bars then Skyped Anya and watched half of Ang Lee’s visually awesome and spellbinding Life of Pi; too tired to finish it.

When up I did some journal then went to Nokpochana’s mid morning for a bowl of spicy green curry with chicken in coconut sauce with two portions of rice. Before I even tried to see how hot it was I added chili’s to it and the cook must of been laughing her head off watching me do that as it almost blew me away by the time I reached the bottom as my mouth was on fire; Mati happened to be there and she saw me unable to function at the metal table besides repeatedly filling up my cup of water; main thing is I forced myself to finish every drop but fair play she got me finally! Full to the brim I somehow did my back in (just beneath shoulder blades) doing nothing in my room, worrying me slightly as I went through the Formula 1 photos lying on my front till 6pm. I headed to the market stalls for some good banter with the girls I deal with and their better speaking friends and was up late making sure the latest blog was posted before speaking to Amy at 1am for an hour; her last days on ‘the rock’.

I was at the Chinese Embassy bright and early to pay 1100 baht and collect my passport (sticker on an odd page- wanted it to follow on!) then went onto the somewhat dusty walking street (taken up all the stones for drainage reasons) to pick out a massage place seeing as leaving the country soon and my back is no better. Unable to find the one Margit spoke of I walked over stepping stones to C & R Thai Massage (180 baht for back, shoulder and neck) where my feet were washed in warm water and lime almost the moment I opened the door- sweet. Upstairs I put on loose cotton clothes and sat by the fan till the masseuse came. Unlike Pai she did a good job for over an hour without making me feel like I was being tortured and did pay particular attention to the area where I said it hurt; seriously though my shoulders do not feel or even sound normal- might need to see a professional if causes me problems in future. It was midday so went over to Prego’s to catch them just as they were opening but my order was simple- Khoa Soi and rice...that is all; very pleased I had another opportunity to try that sensational local crispy noodle dish! I gave myself just enough time to think of a game for my last class (basically a volunteer now) and although it was something as easy as Hangman they loved playing it, especially when made two teams and there was an air of competition about which Thai’s no doubt love- Panya secured the last word ‘waterfall’ and so won it. That evening Margit came to get me and we both thoroughly enjoyed a meal at Why Not with some good red wine and chat to go with it; going to miss the big pizza there (just had rocket on this time). Before bed I commenced the arduous process of copying over my blogs from Wordpress to Travellerspoint (pictures and placing them in order are what take a while) because that is the site I used last year and although you are reading this now I am only getting perhaps 10-20% of the ‘views’ as used to so going to run both simultaneously from now on to improve exposure.

On Friday I continued the transfer then at 11.15 rode my now completely flat bike (I know it does it no good but its old and not really mine) to the closest garage and left it there for a new inner tube. It was possibly the warmest day so far here in Thailand and now I was made to use my two legs to buy snacks and meet the others at Loft so that Pear and Nuan could take us over under umbrellas (sun protection- remember here people want to be white not brown which is opposite to our way of thinking) to the Wat Ku Tao for the annual Boys Rite of Passage Buddhist ceremony; everyone dressed appropriately except guess who- me! (at least wearing a black singlet and not usual white).

Amongst a party atmosphere each family had a designated area to dress up their young son/s, put colourful costumes on and draw make-up on their faces so that they could be a part of the monks for a few days for initiation; already shaved heads. In front of each were tables and as Nuan’s friend was a part of the ceremony we sat and got given an absolute feast that was completely free- crispy pork, rice/gelatine thing, spicy stuff, vegetables and many litres of artificial soft drinks with ice.

Intrigued as to what was taking place I went around with my camera and even had the privilege of having the father take his son from his shoulders (they all do this as shouldn’t be touching the floor when ready) and place him on mine which I certainly didn’t see coming; I think he requested it to show off to his friends that he knew a tall white man.

Now free from the burden of potentially ruining the kids life (imagine if I dropped him?) we wondered around, prayed in the temple (shoulders uncovered but Pear insisted), looked at the various things for sale both edible and non edible then at 2pm left; damn good time and pleased done something cultural in Chiang Mai.

With the other students about (minus Ampai as she is on a pilgrimage to the top of a mountain- poor girl) Hugh got us all to participate in Boggle with myself embarrassingly being the worst out of the English and non English speaker’s because didn’t get the rules and didn’t know you could make up words in diagonals (haha); gained back some pride by making up a well put together sentence using all my team’s words. Although a mass of food was now put on the table I really didn’t feel massively hungry as still digesting the last lot so much chicken was leftover for little Harry and hungry Nanchok to eat as I took a video of his ‘bark’. We received some lovely gifts and sadly said goodbye to the people I have grown quite fond of over the past few weeks; felt like just got going and turned a corner in terms of learning but now no one will teach them till May so start from scratch I suppose.

In the classroom Mati gave us an advanced debate lesson on wealth vs happiness and gone 6pm we felt a beer was in order. At Nabe Bar right by my apartment block we congratulated each other on finishing the TEFL Course and besides that didn’t approach the subject again as we relaxed and talked about other things. Upon seeing the 169 baht deal for 3 Chang’s I opted for a couple more then gave hugs all round as we parted ways. I raced to my room, messaged Carlos (met him in KL) and within twenty minutes was out the door again to Deejai Backpackers via 7/11 to meet him and then walk to Zoe’s. Not learning from the past I sunk an entire small bottle of Sangsom beforehand and so barely remember anything between ordering a bucket and being in my room plastered (how did I cycle??) stupidly having conversations online that I would inevitably regret in one way shape or form till near 5am!

Feeling wired from all the red bull I handed a bag of dirty clothes to the lady down the road, ate sweet and sour pork and spent hours on Travellerspoint formatting the second Nepal blog and uploading all the photos since then so easy to do the rest hopefully quite soon. After Skyping Mum, Dad and Max (skin infection again so was on his way to the vets) I collected my 50 baht laundry (can’t fault it), had a bowl of spicy seafood soup (get a lot for what you pay) and went over the China plan for most of the evening, deciding how long to spend in each town in Yunnan, booking a couple more places and creating a document for all the hostel reservations with maps and directions to make life simple and efficient (almost sound German). I finished off Life of Pi, downloaded the latest Archer Episode (worse one yet I have to say but still good) and left the computer running as the first two seasons of Boardwalk Empire will be complete soon.

As if straight out of a dream I woke up so naturally it almost felt like I never went to sleep in the first place- weird sensation. I Skped my brother Nick asking him about his budgets, places and dates he will be in each country (in Playa Del Carmen, going to Cuba shortly and seeing as I will be in China it is unlikely there will be much communication between us for a while) then briefly spoke to other, more drunk, Nick in Syracuse as their college basketball team (Go Orange!) are in the last 4 of the NCAA. I emptied the draws and cupboard so could pack all my belongings from scratch (still enjoy doing it), bid my farewells to the girls at Tanin Market by buying food from each of them and taking their photos and did research for the TEFL Advanced papers for a couple of hours.

At 3.30pm I showered and had manager Naan look at the water and electricity metres but as the latter was still saying zero for my room she had to phone the boss and try and guesstimate a total which I of course managed to lower by 150 baht seeing as was away for half a week and leaving half a week prior to my month ending- still got a good deal as played down how much used the a/c! Winning again. With my 5000 baht deposit safely in my pocket I just about rode with my 30kg of stuff to the bike shop for another 2000 baht then hopped in a Songthaew to Chiang Mai Railway Station where bought more water and used my wide angle lens to take some sick photos of my 17.30 Express Train.

In Coach 5 Seat 18 I sat on the wide seat and listened to my IPod for a couple of hours as we progressed South out of the city- my time there was very good and so no regets! About 8pm the ‘changer’ started setting up the coach for sleep time and I was very glad to have the bottom bunk where the window is and far more room; full set of sheets and a curtain- I expected to have to use my sleeping bag and jumper for a pillow! As everyone else presumably slept I organised all photos and wrote up blog right up to 11.51pm when protected my backpacker with the rain cover, was careful in the toilet (if bumps or sudden stops could be midly embarrassing) and lay down on my front trying to get to sleep with all the noises and lights going past. Taking far longer than expected I kept moving about and even resorted to my eye covers before finally shutting my brain down about 2am.

Initially up at 6am I rested a further hour then stayed behind the curtain peering out the window as could hear everyone putting their beds away- was reluctant as the breeze was nice and liked being in my own little bubble. Just like we were almost forced to go to sleep the guy came around and informed me I was the last one so waited until I exited so he could make it into two seats again. When at Don Mueng Station I knew we were on the outskirts of Bangkok so patiently saw us ever so slowly move into the city proper stopping multiple times at stations and at busy road crossings where I’m guessing most cars ignored the signs and were not meant to be blocking the way.

As we inched every closer to Hualumphong I took more photos as several people left the train early to go across to their respective homes then once under the roof of the mini Gare Du Nord style station I unnecessarily power walked to the taxi rank to find there was no officials and it was accustom to a free-for-all with no one caring who was in front of who and the tuk tuk drivers picking up the pieces and charging the earth for small journeys. Not to be a part of this charade I stood under the sun on the road and when the taxi drivers either said no or instead picked up Thai’s I accepted the offer of a 50 baht motorcycle ride. It was nerve wracking as he made shortcuts going through alleyways and along lanes full of people, stalls and other forms of transport and before I knew it was at New Road Guest House at 10.20am (train only an hour late) to meet Fanny who had been around for a few hours seeing as her bus arrived from Suratthani at 5.30am to the Northern Bus Station. Not happy to hear that we couldn’t check in till alot later and they were reluctant to let us rest in free dorm beds the two of us put bags in storage and I showered and changed before joining her in hammocks up on the roof of the second building- place much bigger than the net photos suggested.

With no fans and only limited breeze we talked and looked at the view to take our mind of the ensuing heat. At about midday we walked out onto Charoen Krung (New Road) so I could have a small but tasty beef curry, enquire about exchange rates for China and buy water and ice cream at 7/11.

The lady in the ice cold reception handed us the keys to room 201 but seeing as the fan was unable to move and only covered the top left quarter of the bed making me no less hot whatsoever I made the decision to spent the equivalent of an extra tenner (450 baht) to upgrade to an air conditioned room above on the third floor. We lucked out as was airy, spacious and through the window an uninterrupted view of the skyscraper from Hangover 2 so stayed there for a few hours away from the uninspiring climate before dressing up and going about two minutes away to Tongue Thai Restaurant which was good but way overpriced because in the expensive hotel area of Bangkok; added 17% tax and gratuity so just left money on table and walked out. We thought about going to a bar but instead bought three beers from 7/11 so could enjoy them in our room as we talked and chilled together having a pretty amazing time. Both really tired we somehow kept ourselves awake till about 1am then drifted off in controlled 27c a/c which was just right.

Fanny was up in a flash at the first of my two preset alarms at 5.09am and I just about kept my eyes open and brain awake so could put on some clothes and walk her to the street and easily flag down a meter taxi. Although brief it was a very memorable encounter and am sure to see the intelligent German again even if starting her second Master’s degree in Sweden later in the year! Whereas she had two long haul flights and a 14 hour layover in Abu Dhabi to look forward to I just had to climb three flights of stairs and went back to bed for the next couple of hours. Even though the internet was down the entire morning I found enough things to get on with and had just enough water to get me through till the 12pm checkout as just wanted to be ‘cool’ as long as I could. I paid the near 900 baht bill (worth it) and walked to Charoen Krung Soi 40 and to the Oriental Pier Water Taxi on the Chao Phraya River where only waited ten minutes until a heavily laden boat with an orange flag came along. I wisely stood with rucksack on at the back holding the railing and facing the water so no matter how many more people they tried putting on (too many) I just sweated it out with no interference or having to move. I watched all the river activity, tugboats, ‘floating’ JCB’s, skyscrapers, Wat Arun, bridges, stilted wooden houses and people on every pier until disembarking at Phra Athit near the big Rama VII Bridge.

I walked a few minutes to Phra Sumen Fort and over a small road bridge across a canal unable to find the hostel until asked a white couple by some over accommodations who told me the way. Back tracking slightly I entered Santichaiprakam Park and over a footbridge by some food stalls was Flapping Duck Guesthouse which appeared really chilled and laid back- exactly what I wanted.

The Thai guy showed me to my four bed dorm on the first floor where I hung up my soaking top and sat by a fan for a number of minutes then put things in a locker and wandered about the Khoa San Road area. I knew I would hate the majority of my excursion so not sure why I put myself through seeing all the irritating first time backpackers, ignorant holiday makers, annoying tuk tuk drivers and expectant sellers but I think I enjoy it! Ironically I chose not to eat at the local places as thought costs were too high but still had an 89 baht sub of the day with drink at Subway because not sure if going to see one again until reaching Australia and it was really good with all the toppings and sauces I had the girl put on.

Via the supermarket for water, market for bananas and a shop for some hotdog bread loaf (45 baht) I was back at the Guest House so I could spend the next couple of hours on the sofa using Travellerspoint once again seeing all the old and new age hippies about. When the mosquitoes became too much at 5.30pm as evening approached I continued in the room then spoke with a middle aged Italian outside about finding the little spots of land that are beautiful but still undeveloped- he’s been travelling around Asia every year since I was 2 years old and remembers places like Koh Samui when there was just the odd beach bungalow about! As him and some loud Spaniards went for dinner I drank a beer and realised no one was really doing anything so went on the laptop again to make a go at bringing both blogs in line with each other which I achieved about 11pm feeling relieved as something wanted to do for weeks and took much less time than anticipated. Now with the main doors closed and only one other person seemingly up I walked to 7/11 for more H20 in still 30c temperature then watched Skyfall using my headphones till gone 2am when gradually fell asleep despite the guy above moving monotonously.

Ignoring my alarm I awoke from an unknown awesome dream at half 9 and stayed on the bed gradually getting warmer and warmer looking up random things, writing and typing knowing my good friend Tracy was due to arrive very shortly...or so I hoped. I lingered about the place not really achieving very much because of the climate even if should of been getting on with my Advanced TEFL modules or doing something with my photographs; no energy or patience. By 2pm I feared something may of happened to her bus or at the border but just as was getting a mixed fruit shake I saw her coming across the park with a gigantic rucksack tired from barely sleeping the near 12 hours it took to reach here. Once she showered and settled in we sat talking about our respective whereabouts the past 2.5 years and potential future plans with her flying home to Ireland the next day not knowing how good the job situation is over there or how long she will last. We did a repeat of my walk around the area just chatting for the entirety and only buying some spring rolls and water before sitting outside 7/11 waiting for 5pm so we could get some beer to sneakily drink at Flapping Duck.

Once progressed onto our amazing African adventures and the whereabouts of our old expedition buddies we both changed and had to use ice to chill the next drinks as watched two Dutch girls achieve the remarkable feat of getting to 31 levels on Jenga- we all knew that was not something that could be done twice but didn’t stop them from trying.

We ended up sitting with them and the four of us went onto Rammbutri to the bar myself and Nienke avoided paying for our bucket last year. I had a big green curry as two watered down 160 baht Sansgom and coke buckets were drunk then we hung about on the chaotic Khoa San Road Chang’s and Siamsato’s in hand seeing all the naive first timer's party in the middle of the street with some Thai’s; with a bar playing loud music either side we moved positions depending how good the song’s were. Tracy bought a clingy blue monkey and at ‘only’ 2/2.30am we had had more than enough so slowly made our way back not being anywhere near as drunk as thought I would be.

As if I knew what the time was I opened my eyes the moment my watch said 8am and went the long way about uploading photos to facebook as the normal way didn’t appear to work on either Firefox or Chrome; very tedious. I unwisely gave up on the idea of posting my latest blog (turns out China blocks Wordpress- wish I knew at the time!) and instead got Tracy moving so we could go to a nice little Belgian Cafe for Cappuccino’s, fruit, tiny salad and a baguette using homemade bread; good but not worth the money. Forgetting that checkout was 12 we rushed back after using a net cafe (most of the computers had one issue or another) to pack making sure the fan was facing me the whole time. I had a not so fruity banana shake (practically nothing) then at 12.45pm we got in a taxi thinking it would take about half an hour maximum to MBK then Phaya Thai Airport Link station but the traffic was horrendous and at points didn’t move for long periods of time. I was always thinking I had nothing to worry about even when gave her a hug goodbye by the big shopping mall but when did some calculations in my head started to get a little edgy.

This turned into full blown panic when the train sat on the platform for what felt like an eternity and I genuinely believed my chances were slim of making my flight. The 25 minutes above the streets of Bangkok going at speed east towards Suvarnabhumi were not good for my sanity and we arrived 65 minutes prior to my departure time! Seeing a guy wearing flip flops carrying roughly 30kg on his back and right shoulder trying to run on a polished stone floor and up three flights of escalators was probably rather funny to a passersby and typically China Eastern Airlines check in was at the far end of the terminal so when saw red writing on the electronic board and no other passengers about I feared the worse! Straight away the staff said I was ok, leaving me enormously relieved and able to concentrate. Cutting it fine isn’t the word and I can’t believe how blasé I was- only told Fanny the other day the story of how I missed two flights between Berlin and Edinburgh in 2008 being rather happy it had not occurred again! I was still all over the place as looked for a money exchange, got my exit stamp and put my bag in the x-ray then walked to gate F4 to be the last one in the waiting area.

My seat number was 33F and on any normal aircraft that would be towards the rear of the cabin but when I was halfway and saw I was already at 48 I knew an error had occurred and so the biggest person on the plane had to go against the flow to find his seat which was technically in row 3! At 15.50 the 737 took off bringing my Thailand experience to an end and so it was time to go to a country I had not been in 24 years and knew very little about...CHINA!

Thanks to my three alarms and my mother leaving a missed call on my phone there was no way in hell I was going to wake up later than 07:05 even if I was still runnng the risk of missing the plane by leaving late and cycling my old red bicycle as fast as it could go the 20 or so mins to Chiang Mai Airport. It was a cool morning but you would never of known that by looking at my exhausted, red and wet self as ran to the toilet to change into my jeans and shoes just incase they checked bag weight or size; needn't of bothered considering how much some people were permitted to take on board- 40 litre rucksacks, huge bags of 'souvenirs' and hats the size of a small television! Besides accidentally trying to check in at the Domestic Terminal, going through security without the required stamp on my so called 'Boarding Pass' and leaving my passport at the convenience store by the gate I made it onto the plane safe and sound ready for what promised to be an exciting weekend!

With adrenalin pumping through my veins, despite only four hours sleep, I watched the wonderfully confusing Cloud Atlas until was told to turn my Kindle off in preparation to land into the god forsaken LCCT terminal. I passed through immigration in no time and with no bag to collect was by a bus stop within minutes only to deduce that there is no direct bus to Sepang Circuit so unwisely got on a KLIA shuttle only to go straight past where I wanted to be within seconds of leaving the airport- if looked at the map on the printed ticket I would have known! Upon hearing that the vehicle I just came on was now going in my direction annoyed me just that little bit more but in the meantime spoke to a middle aged Scottish/ Welsh couple who were big F1 and of course Rugby fans so when off the racing topic heard all the ins and outs of Englands annhiliation in the six nations last weekend.

The three of us were literally dropped by the side of the motorway and expected to waltz up a not small hill in 70% humidity and about 35c to the enormous Welcome Area where continued onward to the main Grandstand as Friday is a 'free day' meaning are able to go anywhere.

You could tell the second practice session for the Formula 1 had begun well before arriving due to the noise but being by the main straight when they are going at over 320kmh was nigh on ear shattering and equally awesome at the same time; ear plugs lessen the experience in my view! We stayed here to watch all the going's on in the pit garages, in particular Lotus and Mercedes, as the cars kept on coming in for new tyres or to be lifted inside for some minor modifications; so interesting to see.

A rain shower arrived half hour before the end so all 22 cars left the track and I thought that was the end until some opted for a test in the new conditions bringing up walls of spray on the wet tyres. Seeing as the majority of people about were leaving I went against the flow and used my wide angle lens to take some spectacular architectural shots of the 14 year old place including the landmark Sepang Tower where could see a good 40% of the track from just as the GP2 qualifying was going on below.

Almost out of water, legs rubbing against by boardies and more sweaty that at any point in a long time I kept on going to the start finish line and podium area then briefly took a look at my exact seats for the next two days in K1 Grandstand (great except for a cable stay in my eye line that holds up the roof) before taking a 15 MYR hard seated bus the 75 min to Kuala Lumpur- rush hour so would usually be shorter.

At KL Sentral about 6:30pm I located the Rapid KL LRT metro, paid 1 MYR for a blue token and used it to go one stop north to Pasar Seni where the map directed me straight to Fernloft Hostel a mere 90 seconds away. I checked in to my 20 bed 'Lavender' dormitory, made a meal of fitting the sheets to the bed, used the stinging shower (like hailstones hitting you) and placed my valuables in the big safe as went up one more floor to the rooftop for the view and the wifi connection. The need for food became too great and luckily for me Chinatown was just round the corner but my memory couldn't bring me to the cheap place me and Amy ate at on more than one occasion when here last about 15 months ago. Instead I ate a Kaya Puff thing (Asian jam and Pandan flavour- still ?) and two dried meat buns (sound wrong but not bad for 2.50 MYR each) then bought a bottle of Calrsberg and a bottle of Skol ($4 each) to take with me to the roof; as Muslim country alcohol so much more than places like the Philippines or Thailand.

I briefly sat with three Norwegian girls (Mary, Marion and Helen) then when they left I changed tables just as a few others arrived who all introduced themselves momentarily which is exactly what these sort of places are all about- Dijon from New York, Finn Remi and East Berliner Fanny. As Remi works for the embassy here he gave us a detailed introduction to the complexities of Malaysian government, elections and the power of each ethnic group and is in KL until the election which must take place in the next couple of months- no one knows exactly when! He shared his green apple vodka as I got speaking with Fanny who has spent years studying how to teach specific parts of certain professions without being in that profession herself; for example telling nurses about anatomy so they can use it in their day to day jobs. Inevitably the merits of my month long TEFL course compared with her degree were raised and I felt a little silly but she understood why was doing it and how it would be beneficial to my travels. Being an hour later than what I said to the Norwegians I left on my own to meet them and a number of others at Reggae Bar only a block away so had a couple of 12 MYR schooners of beer, met a crazy Iranian and gave a jibe to a worried Australian about the real possibility of Tony Abbott becoming the Liberal leader of his country this September- will be a disaster and god only knows who votes for him! Preferring the hostel I gave a poor excuse and returned to the roof for more vodka then myself, Fanny, a Dutch guy and a German (so bad with names) happened to go to Reggae again where I kicked ass at pool and played one of my best ever games. We didn't stay long although carried on drinking and talking till 4 then went to bed.

Having forgot to change the clock on my phone (here is 1 hour ahead) I overslept but still found time to eat half a dozen free pieces of toast with butter and jam and send a message to my friend Giles letting him know of my lateness; should of probably been in more of a hurry but feeling tired and quite out of it. I got my skates on sort of and used the LRT and hour long bus to reach Sepang where he was waiting unfazed and just happy to be here in the first place; played golf at university together and he now lives in Jakarta teaching with his Indonesian wife. We decided against paying 60 MYR ($20) for a program or 100-170 MYR for race headphones (rip off and you should be able to rent!) as went to K1 and sat in an empty row near the top in time for the GP2 race; some breeze and only about 20% full so moved about sitting wherever we liked. Besides the fact we had no clue who any of the drivers or teams were we enjoyed all the overtaking going on and gave us a taster for what we would witness on Sunday.

At 1pm the third FL practice took place in dry conditions for an hour making us a little bored and agitated if I must admit especially seeing as the air became still and temperature rose enough to make us not want to be here. We moved to the end of the stand that overlooked fast turn 3 (black guy wearing a shower cap caught our attention straight off) to watch the Supercar race unfold which contained production varients of Ferrari's, Ford GT's, Porsche, Lamborghini, Mclaren and Aston Martin but for some reason had an early 2000's Toyota Camry as the safety car handlying proceedings- wtf?! funding issues?

Absolutely shattered and yawning all the time I lay down for 50 minutes across four seats then just prior to FL Qualifying at 4pm cracked open the 375ml Whiskey I snuck in along with some Sprite and a bottle to drink out of. Due to our reluctance to even buy water here we were so thirsty that everything was empty by 4.30! On satellite TV qualifying is actually quite exciting but when so far away from the 'giant' screen I could only see track positions and time through the zoom lens of my camera it felt like a 4th practice session albeit with less and less cars eventually. The thing I enjoyed the most was listening in to the gear changes from being in second at turn 2 and progressing to sixth or seventh depending on the car by the fast straight between turns 3 and 4...made a rhythm in my head that you simply wouldnt be able to do if not here by the cars themselves.

The moment it became clear Vettel had pole position ahead of Massa (all happened on last lap- wouldn't of known) we tried our best to get ahead of the thousands of others on way to the multitude of buses that awaited groups or just tourists making their own way about such as myself and Giles. I power walked ahead (he had a cut in his heel so couldnt keep up) only to see that the bus option wasn't anywhere near as popular as the shuttle & train so paid the 15 MYR and within a few minutes were on the unlimited leg room sideways facing seats both with our eyes shut for the duration of the journey. It took time to purchase the LRT tokens (long queues) but were in Fernloft by a reasonable 7.30pm so took off smelly clothes, washed and looked to see who was about. We visited the KK Mart for beers and more whisky, ate little bits and joined the Norwegians, Americans Allie and Amber (both married and volunteering in Cambodia), some Canadians and another yank, Howard (shared some of our drink) to play pyramid and f*** the dealer. As most of them left to go and catch the end of a free Backstreet Boys concert beneath Petronas Towers we stayed till everything was gone, however this made us far drunker than we intended to be and so our night was cut short probably for the best as neither of us had any energy once managed to locate an open food source within easy walking distance- Asian dishes for about 6 times the price of what I pay at my local Thai market and no better.

Up at 10.30am feeling re-energised I used the net and had more toast then officially checked out as Giles was paying for a bed this evening so just required me moving the things in my locker and returning the fiddly bed sheet knowing there would be spare mattresses about later even if they keep turning customers away saying 'its full' (no way!). We were at Sentral's McDonalds at the stroke of 12 meaning the breakfast menu turned into lunch (bingo) so had a double peppercorn burger with twisty fries and a non iced Sprite for only 11 MYR.

I grabbed a load of small waters to hide in the bottom of my bag (false bottom so works everywhere) and were soon on a cold bus out to the circuit as it was RACE SUNDAY; Ipod died so just stared out window and did a spot of thinking (not that I don't do that every waking second of every day anyway). Forced to go up the hill again we caught our breath by the Drift Challenge and went inside the Automotive Museum to make the most of the A/C whilst learning about the Malaysian car industry from its origins nearly a century ago to Proton!

I wanted to get out there and experience what, if any, atmosphere there was and go to our exact seats in Block E, Row J 1 & 2 of K1 (easier than it sounds) which is situated at the end of the main straight at turn 1! Although was a scorcher of a day there was enough air movement about that we didn't feel too hot so could relax, people watch and check out some stunning girls who were blatently just there on their boyfriends or husbands request as none seemed interested in anything but their phones.

By the time everyone rose to sing or pretend to sing the National Anthem about 80% of the green seats were occupied but unfortunately there was just no vibe or chants or banter or anything from the crowd much unlike the Melbourne Grand Prix or any other sporting event I have been to for that matter. A rain shower came and went far too early to make a difference and the big screen that was our only way of seeing what was happening away from our section turned off so we were in effect blind just prior to the formation lap. I made my way closer to the front almost forgetting to give Giles my small camera for video which in turn nearly made me miss using my SLR for the start.

At 4pm the lights went out and it was GO GO GO as used continuous shooting seeing all the front runners get off well and attack Vettel from the first corner with not a single incident occurring even though some damp sports still about- utterly disppointed as we both wanted a pile up of some kind! It was so incredibly amazing and I was ecstatic to have just witnessed the start of a race that is seen by countless millions all over the globe!

On the next lap I was concentrating on something when Giles shouted and I looked up only to see Alonso with his front wing off and careering off into the gravel trap a few yards away from me; wow so awesome and couldnt of happened to a nicer guy. I watched intently as he tried in vein for the stewards to dig him out then saw him unplug his steering wheel and jump out as his Ferrari was hoisted up by a small crane onto a flat bed truck- cool!

When that excitement cooled down we sat focused on any car going by knowing what the positions were until the first round of pit stops confused things a while (no refuelling, just tyres but this track and high temperature obliterates the rubber ever so quickly) with us not realising Webber was infact leading later on in the race from Vettel and the Mercedes's drivers; zoomed in to see number 2 on the side of the F1 car.

Last weeks winner Raikonnen was well off the pace and although Jenson Button (my favourite driver) was doing well in 5th a loose wheel nut made him come into the pits for an unscheduled stop and eventually McLaren had to retire the poor Englishman. With only 4 drivers from 2 teams having any hope of winning the fact team orders came into play after the third and final round of pit stops was a bit ridiculous considering its only the second race of 19! I may not like the guy one little bit but at least Vettel's epic battle against his unsuspecting Red Bull Team mate for 3/4 laps was highly entertaining for us viewing it all live. Seeing them go right by the pit wall and side by side for a few seconds was just perfect and made the race for me although would of been nice if Webber held off and the Mercedes duo of Rosberg and Hamilton did the same instead of falling back being pansys.

The last ten laps were a rather sedate and boring affair with nothing happening so the moment Vettel passed the chequered flag and the little bastard waved at us we high tailed it out the stand as fast as we could to the buses, this time beating the majority of spectators- very happy to have seen such an entertaining race!

Avoiding the traffic as well we were back in city an hour later and located a Subway for a 6 inch Meatball sub filled with everything possible and more forgetting how good they are! At the hostel we sat with Columbian Carlos, Howard and another guy drinking till 1am when passed out on an empty bed for 2 hours.

Giles woke me (alarm failed to do its job for the first time) and a few drozy minutes later we were inside a taxi that happened to be on the road outside the front door (was early to take a girl all the way to the airport so gained extra money doing an inbetween run) to take us to Sentral. It was only 8 MYR for an Aerobus to the LCCT (paying double over the weekend for near enough same place) so put my headphones in and eye covers on until we were there and it was time to say farewell to Giles who was going on to the bigger and much better KLIA. I ate a bland McDonalds's breakfast with coffee (I want sleep and I do that?!) and did all the usual bits to reach the hectic departure lounge to spend my last Ringitt on water and send messages to people on the wifi as well as looking up the location of things in Chiang Mai on Google Maps. When my Air Asia flight was called I sat by the gate till I was the only one left but in doing so meant I struggled to find the right plane in what is always a damn free for all out on the ramp making it really dangerous as passengers could wonder off anywhere. In my correct seat by a window I closed my eyes and almost didn't feel takeoff at 7am and was like this for the entire flight except when filled out the arrivals form for Thailand. Due to the climate and incessant burning taking place I barely saw my temporary home city as landed into Chiang Mai to begin my last 11 days in Thailand. Twas an epic weekend! :-)

From the moment we arrived into Chiang Mai I knew my priority was to sort myself out a place to stay for the next few weeks so once had said goodbye to Ted (going to Chiang Mai and Laos) and just about fit into a tuk tuk alongside Martine, Susanne and all our bags to Smile Guesthouse, inside the Old City, I rented a bicycle and went on the hunt! I cycled towards the north west of the moat and up Hussadiwee Road as Jain from Spicy Pai had told me that area would be my best bet for good value accommodation and he wasn't wrong. After enquiring at a couple of hotels (cheap but don't allow long term) I located the soi (road) my classroom is on and also the coffee shop where am due to meet my teacher and colleagues the following day, getting really hot and perspiring profusely with the sun bearing down on my every move. On the other side of Hussadiwee I went along every side road making phonecalls, asking prices, seeing if they do month long rents and also the general look of each property until I came across a new building on Sod Sueska that was 5000 a month plus extras. The room was fine but the guys there didn't seem overly trustworthy and my gut told me to continue so just round the next corner I enquired at brand new Anchan 2 Apartments, even though the sign was in Thai and there was no price or advertisement outside. I knew this would be my temporary home the moment I stepped into one of the available rooms and despite being smaller than the other there was a balcony and felt more homely- ensuite, a/c, big bed and TV, fridge, wifi, sheets all for 5700 baht plus roughly 500 in electricity and water costs which pay when I leave- thats £130!! I chose 415 as was away from the road and didn't have the sun beaming through the windows till late afternoon (partly due to a big tree being there).

I cycled all the way back to appropriately named Smile Guesthouse to find Martine relaxing by the pool so jumped in to cool down then cycled us both (was not easy) to another bike rental place by Little Bird Hostel as could hire one for only 600 baht a month (red and with a basket- perfect). We collected my stuff and went to my new pad just to drop things off as wouldn't be sleeping there till the next day having already paid for a night at Smile; she liked it and was when I noticed cellophane on everything- I was the first person to stay in this room- incredible!

We avoided a downpour by seconds and were due to meet Susanne by Tae Pae Gate at 6pm so hurried readying ourselves hoping it would be dry by time to go outside again, which it thankfully was. It was a Sunday so the walking street was turned into a bustling Night Market that stretched for a couple of kilometres selling literally every possible souvenir you could think of but was insanely busy with every tourist in town looking around and buying things (my only puirchase being a 10 baht notebook) making it hard to go anywhere at more than a snail's pace.

The food areas tended to be just off to the side at certain points so tried out fried chicken, banana rolls, spicy sausages and a passionfruit juice as made it all the way to the gleaming, gold Wat Phra Sing temple just so we could turn around and go along the other side with my legs, by now, being very tired from a long day. Glad for the ordeal to be over we eventually chose Harry's Bar for a drink on the rooftop amongst good atmosphere knowing my course was due to start and the girls were heading south to the islands meaning we would be seperated. At Smile we each had a Siamsato, watched some movie trailers and turned in not too late, feeling a little anxious.

Awake early (probably due to my mind working overtime) myself and Martine went for a toast and coffee breakfast then it was time for me to leave off to my apartment and then to Fang's Coffee at 10.30am where met American teacher Hugh and two ladies- German Margit and South African Mati. With a big frappacino in hand we discussed our backgrounds, why we want to teach and then listened to how the course would be structured and what was expected of us; we were handed the Basic TEFL book as well as the Advanced, which can put a pin in until near the end when will choose a couple of topics to write about if time allows it before China. I asked as many questions as could muster to make the course seem less daunting (5 assiginments and 5 lessons with 60%+ student talk time are the requirements) then grabbed a big loaf of bread from Top's Supermarket (same building) as walked through the place we would be teaching and onto the small 'Paradise TEFL' classroom on Soi 2 of Hussadiwee Road where we stayed till 3pm, having learnt about basic grammar and structure to get us started and minds on the task in hand; I was happier and just needed time to get my head around things.

In my lovely room I completely unpacked, checked everything worked as it should and logged onto the good wifi (only 200 baht) before it was time for me to venture out in the rain to meet Swedish student nurses Donika (girl from Pai who I randomly spotted at the night market) and Ida at Sumo Sushi. When it got nigh on monsoonal I had to shelter (women kindly gave me some bags for my money/camera/phone that were in my pockets) and was a hell of a mess when entered the restaurant much to the girls amusement and amazement. Although not the biggest fan of Japanese food I loved the Wasabi soup and well presented Godzilla Maki, that tasted fantastic, and altered my opinion. The sheer amount of staff just standing around behind was a little unnerving so when dry enough was ready to go. They showed me around the popular young people area around Neemenhemin Road where lots of good bars and food joints were (not touristy at all and few westerners about) then I bought a 6 litre water container from Tesco Lotus (went through one each day every day) and some Iodine from 7/11, on way home (<10 min), to combat infections as was really worried due to the wet and bacteria being prevelent here. I tried a very wrong street sausage and looked over the course material before falling asleep an hour into Spielberg's epic Lincoln.

For the rest of the week (Tuesday-Friday) I got into a bit of a pattern. I would do the homework and reading of appendicies in the morning whilst having bananas and a cheap sandwich for breakfast then I would head on over to the classroom, a mere 2 minutes away, for roughly 4 hours of teaching whilst going to Top's for bread for lunch until located Tanin Market when changed to fried spring rolls and mini sausage doughnuts that were tastier, more filling and cheaper (40 vs 30 baht). During these 4 days exceptionally good teacher Hugh taught us about methodologies, how to conduct a good interview, writing lesson plans, pronounciation, increasing student talking time, summarising, reviewing, gaining confidence in speaking, and how to do our very first lesson which would be on the next Monday. I was lucky to have two down to earth, very nice and sincere people next to me who knew almost as little as I did at the beginning and wanted to progress just as much with myself technially being the only native speaker. I learnt a considerable amount and found the new environment was easy to adapt to despite finishing university way back in 2006 but was still rather nervous about actually teaching real people the English language because they will see me as all knowledgable and so cannot go wrong.

In my room each afternoon, once I temperature controlled to the maximum, I sat doing journal, assiginments, photos and using the internet until about 6pm when it was time to get ready for dinner (privacy is great as can just walk around naked and never have to close the bathroom door as no other buildings that have views in :-)). On Tuesday I met the girls outside Kad Suan Kaew and walked all the way to Sunthip Road where failed in locating a good vegetarian called Pun Pun's so instead went to their favourite pizza restaurant, Why Not? which was Italian owned. The homemade bread and bread sticks (only 45 baht) with tomato salsa and some interesting white dip were out of this world, and was able to make my own bruchetta using the chili oil and pepper, whilst the rather large 18 inch thin and crispy margharita with ham is only bettered by Altrove in the Philippines from my ongoing trip (literally drenched it in half a bottle of oil as was not hot); happy chappy!

The following evening we felt something healthier was in order so ate at Salad Concept. Usually I am not a big salad man as only like certain bits but here you pick out everything yourself by ticking boxes on a form and handing it to the waiter- YES! On top of the lettuce I had a shed load of tomatoes, onion, mushrooms, croutons, cheddar cheese, potatoes and grilled bacon that was covered in thousand island dressing- best salad ever although made the mistake of trying out the salad bar at the supermarket for lunch and it cost me a fortune as per 100g in weight and I don't do things lightly!

As the nurses were being taken out by their teachers on Thursday I just stocked up on snacks at Tanin and brought some back with me to munch on when noticed an email from Australian Immigration stating that I had been ACCEPTED FOR MY SECOND WHV!! I jumped and shouted all over the room, phoned Mum and instantly booked a flight to Perth on 24th June as well as got in contact with my friends, there and in Melbourne, to let them know the amazing news as had almost given up on the idea seeing as it was 15 days ago I applied- Woohoo.

Late in the evening's I either walked around Chiang Mai with the girls (Donika didn't look at a crossroads by the smoothie place and almost got totalled by a morotbike!) or went home and completed certain assignments (not hard as just a case of writing down your thoughts or locating material on certain websites) then watched the odd episode of Archer or movie before bed, whilst chatting to people online, in particular Bridget who is still in Nepal.

Considering my higher than usual alcohol intake recently and in an effort to save money (spending 200+ on fine food almost every evening is the reason) I didn't touch a drop till Friday evening came about when had a Red Horse in the room to celebrate the end to a productive week; tasted so so good! I met the Swedes and their two recently arrived friends Jessica and Otilia (just completed an 18 hour train journey from Bangkok) at Salsa Kitchen at 6.30ish (running my usual 10 minutes late) for what turned out to be very average Mexican fare with myself coming off worst trying to be clever and ordering an appertizer I felt would be big; was not filling and the 'extra' cheese was a flavourless lump I could pick up whole- Donika felt so bad she gave me one her Fajitas. Unfortunately on the way to 7/11 we passed a sight I wish did not exist and almost single handedly ruined my night- a pet shop that contained many dogs with 5 westie puppies in one tiny cage and mum tucked away behing all barking and wagging their tails as if to say 'please let me out'! I tried best to take my mind off it as I bought Sprite and energy drink only to be shouted at by the loud checkout lady '35 BAHT!' as we made our way to The Nest where the nurses were residing so we could congregate on the floor and play Ring of Fire.

With Otilia being the only one not on the hard stuff initially, Jessica getting the last king (had to down the nasty middle drink) and most of our bottles being empty I knew it was going to turn messy when we took a songthaew to Zoe's and ordered 2 buckets to share on arrival! These went down worryingly quick and about half way through the second round Donika excused herself to be sick (Ida helping), I nearly got in a fight with their friend Patrick's dickhead room mate and everyone was in quite a state not really knowing what was going on and who was with who although did make sure we were the centre of attention so all the other drunks wanted to come over! When the bars pulled their metal sheets over the entrances we visited Spicy Club for a matter of minutes and sensibly took transportation home- my guy had no clue where he was going!

It was the weekend and so stayed in bed till 11am although only achieved about 5 hours sleep because of a total of around 3 red bulls were in my system (one contributed to me being awake for 45 hours last year so this was not good!). I walked in the heat the 15 minutes to Kad Suan Kaew (Central Mall), perspiring off the alcohol, so could meet Donika for lunch at the food court in the basement (token based- two dishes) then collected my bicycle from her's so I could attempt to get on with things as they were due to go ziplining at the Gibbon Experience for an obscene $100.

I procrastinated an awfully long time (felt wired), did some writing/blog and had a skype date with Amy at 5pm with her being bang on time (knew she would be); spoke non stop for over an hour about Jersey, Australia and her April move to London wishing could of done that face to face in Cambodia but nevermind. Just about in the mood for a second night out I put on a shirt (non Hawaiian) and cycled on over to G-Long to waste more money on an almost laughable portion of wedges (55 baht!) and ok sub so had to eat a whole packet of biscuits to remotely satisfy my hunger. It was already gone 10pm (ziplining took a long time) and I was sober as a skunk so upped the ante to games of Pyramid and Seven's before going to far busier Zoe's for the second night on the trot. Seated on the last available, if not small, table I shared a Sangsom bucket with Ida, as Donika stayed well clear and just did shots of Tequila, and once in Spicy we actually went to the main dance area upstairs but didn't purchase any more drinks (no need and spent enough as it is). Despite having the apartment's business card another dumb driver had no clue where to go at 4am but in doing so I found out a 7/11 was a mere 50 yards from my entrance as always go right, not left.

I felt a million times better than 24 hours ago but yet again was required to walk along Hussadiwee Road, that barely had a pavement to speak of and the sun made me roast. I ate at the kitchen attached to the main Top's in Central Mall (sold Waitrose Cheddar Cheese!) then at gigantic business hotel called Lotus took a lift to the 7th floor, paid 100 baht and met the girls by the lovely, oddly quiet swimming pool for a couple of hours of burning our bodies on the wooden loungers and splashing about; face and chest so red!

Not being able to cool down as well as usual I kept the air conditioning on till it was dark (careful not to run up a high power bill) then rode about 50% of the way around the old city into traffic by Tae Pae Gate where met up with the others at McDonald's- easiest point for everyone. Donika couldn't find the food stands she used last week and with us all being tired were not at all willing to spend ages at the Night Market shoving past tourists so headed to Tiger Kingdom for miniaturised uncheap meals; food actually tasted fine annoyingly. Unable to salvage anything we gave up, and so I raced their songthaew as best I could till legs nearly collapsed by my shortcut at Computer Plaza. Completing a blog was my achievement for the day and I decided to go to bed at 1am in the hope to be fresh for lesson 1...dun dun dun!

An unintentional call from Hugh work me up but it took a further hour to get out of bed feeling very nervous and plan what to do for my very first lesson which I had already decided would be on landscapes as meant could use my photos as a good visual aid. I picked out 8 different scenes, came up with a matching game and did a plan almost from scratch which led to me running out of time and actually taking my laptop with me to Paradise TEFL. I grabbed some small cards to write on, talked to Margit about my weekend and zoomed to the copy place a couple of blocks away that would print out my documents in colour (5 baht) as well as black and white (1 baht) for a very reasonable price so no need to try anywhere else in the future. Underneath the Loft Residence at 1.40pm we set up one of the classroom tables by a round stone one and placed a number of red plastic chairs around with three to the side for those not 'on stage', knowing I would be up first as was requested to do so (he must have some faith in me). Soon enough forty something hair dresser Ampai, young bar tender Panya, his older sister Nuan and two girls who worked at Loft, Gig and Add (in their twenties), arrived and talked amongst themselves in Thai not quite knowing what to think except they all appeared well dressed and had smiles on their faces. Hugh made the numbers even in an effort to make things less challenging as I began by introducing myself and where I am from by using a small Jersey calendar I happened to have. The hardest part came at an unexpected point when asked the students to pair up to the person on their right so could find out basic information; totally confused them and so resorted to hand signals (banged head on white board as just wanted to get out of there). Things got better when the photo exercise was handed out then through close observation and helping it became clear who were the intermediates (Add and Gig), the upper beginners (Panya and Ampai) and the basic beginner (Nuan). By the time my 40 minutes were up I was reasonably satisfied with my performance so sat and watched Margit conduct a well thought out lesson and Mati who perhaps asked too much too soon. Positives and negatives were discussed in the evaluation once the Thai's were gone then I could go eat snacks and continue with the another blog entry.

Now knowing what to expect, what the students names are and the whole general gist of a conducting a lesson I was quietly confident second time around. Nuan's fluffy white dog Panchok and Add's odd toy like thing Harry were barking whilst Margit was speaking (although Harry sounds more like a bird than an actual bark) but by the time it was my go going last one had been taken home and the other was attempting to push the boundaries by going off for a sniff not making a sound. I pulled out of the bag something extraordinary as the struture allowed students to enjoy being asked many questions relating to verbs and the the landscape photos using stick figures as a fun visual aid- 1/5 complete. I was forced to adapt mid week as my second strongest student, Gig, was busy meaning much scribbling out on paper a change to my plan which made Add an assistant; late starter Pear now with us (absolute beginner level). Things went very well considering I introduced a tough topic to tackle, past/present/future tenses and had to think of a homework assignment on the spot.

Thursday proved to be by far the most stressful of the lot, starting with me being late to the classroom to go over an appendix chapter in the book and being called on my mobile when still in my apartment. With flies attacking my still unhealed feet (now worse from cycling everywhere) I went second after Mati going over the hard 'to be' tenses and incorporating new vocab such as reading, writing, speaking, listening, watching. Although this actually went better than anticipated my Teacher Talk Time was unsurprisingly very high in trying to convey how the tense works as best I could. To bring my first week of lessons to a close my sole aim was to make the students talk more and with two of the beginner students unavailable this played right into my hands despite being horrifically unprepared and finishing off my plan seconds before I was on the platform. I strung out a recall sentence activity and slotted in a mini conversation exercise for good measure to get me safely over the next hurdle and have 2 of the 5 required 60% Student Talk Time lessons under my belt.

Once again I did near enough the same things every day, just that this time all lesson plans would be done in the three hours or so prior to 1pm (time to meet and go over what was proposed) so was free in the evenings as was generally not till 5pm when back in my apartment. This caused more stress than it was worth as meant a strict time limit and I was either just on time or late every occasion, especially when had to print and eat between finishing on the laptop and meeting.

Continuing where I left off I went to a restaurant every single evening from Monday right through to the weekend, not being worried about the costs as am spending next to nothing on other meals (market) and only drink water (averaging about 5 litres a day because of the heat)! We began with Dukes, on the night bazaar, which is a good 15 minutes fast peddle away, going quick enough to keep up with scooters and cars. I met the Swedes, Donika and Ida, outside the luxury Meridian Hotel (near skyscraper proportions) and the rest inside; Otilia and Jessica, plus Daniel and Brit Lucy from SoHostel. To cope with the not so cheap food (even by our standards it was pricey with steaks starting at 795 baht!) the three of us shared nachos, salad and pizza which made for a hell of a meal with the fresh tomatoes and big chuncks of mozarella being the highlight for me. I bought an ice cream from the conveniently placed 7/11 below then spent some time seeing the stalls, tacky restaurants (one was actually called 'Thai European'), girlie bars and the items for sale in Anusarn Market before resisted the small temptation to go out. I Instead rode my increasingly squeaky and wobbly bike home and published Sihanoukville (plus final two episodes of Archer season 2).

On Tuesday just prior to leaving I found out that friend Giles would be my partner in crime for the Grand Prix next weekend to fill the vacant spot left by Amy, who had to forfeit her christmas present so could prepare for London. This made me so relieved and excited that another night at Why Not? came at the perfect time (didn't want to have to pick out some random person in my hostel who I knew nothing about). Although the waiter was reluctant to increase the dipping sauce for the bread he did so after some persistance by moi and my basic cheese tomato pizza was spot on in taste and size. Wanting to get on with things I was on my way minutes after paying the bill with a awkward 6l water in my basket so could finish Assignment 4 on Classroom Management and have time to put on slightly upsetting yet weird Tim Burton flick, Frankenweenie-this same same but different routine is really making the days fly by.

The following day it was time to try out another, hopefully better, mexican restaurant and given the hundreds of reviews on TripAdvisor for Miguels I had few doubts. In my black Destino polo shirt I was rather warm seated outside under useless jets of water vapour and when confronted with the menu was bamboozled with so many quality choices. I was glad to be opposite big eater Donika as meant could share beef nachos along with each of us having a burrito/enchilada combo on a plate full of re-fried beans and yellow rice. The first course went down a treat but for some reason she could not stomach more than two mouthfuls of her main (only one who didn't like) even though it tasted truly Mexican and not like any other Western variant you see in Europe or America; being the opportunist I am this benefited me no end making me totally full. With her Mojito also being devoid of sugar and not all that she hoped for a decent amount of money had been blown for little in return. With us from their hostel was 39 year old American Shaun (Apple technician in Ireland) who gave guidance to on India and Nepal, when awaiting the check, and received useful advice in return to do with my crappy attempts to make money out of my blogs and photos- still to this day my mum is the only person to buy a single picture off me! Its tough when you know jack shit about advertisements and how the net works.

Unfortunately Thursday was all four of the Swedish's girls last night here in Chiang Mai as they are all heading on an overnight train to Bangkok the next day, and onto Koh Tao. Even though it was a 'school night' nothing was going to stop me from going out and I had even prepared for it by getting most of Friday's lesson plan complete on the off chance of being unable to in the morning. Being on time to meet Otilia and Lucy on Nimmenhemin Road it was of no surprise they arrived nearly half an hour later with me feeling I kind of deserved it as was late daily by pretty much exactly ten minutes. We shared a big margharita with mushrooms, ham and rocket at Why Not? (plus the bread of course), as Donika and Ida ate at Sumo Sushi, then we all migrated to theirs via the usual 7/11 pit stop. Jessica and Daniel soon arrived so the 7 of us could play a disjointed ring of fire that never really took off due to differing drinking habits, cigarette breaks and the nurses giving us a presentation on their 10 weeks working and studying at the hospital nearby; was very well done on PowerPoint by Ida with many animations and photos.

We tried consuming all remaining alcohol before a group photo taken by lightweight Daniel and us having to go all the way to Huai Kaow Road for a pickup onward to Zoe's as joined Donika in swinging off the back of the truck then didn't hesitate when Lucy asked about sharing a good old bucket once inside. By the time 2am came it was time to go to Spicy but the club was completely full of odd/strange people, money grabbing Thai's and the odd ladyboy so couldn't wait to leave and didn't even purchase a drink.

The girls acquired munchies at McDonald's (got bought a BigMac- aren't I lucky!) then I took transport to mine once had said a fond farewell to my lovely new Scandanavian friends when dropped them off and lifted my bike onto the truck, as feeling very lazy and no fit state to ride; driver tried charging extra but I just paid him the originally agred amount and walked away leaving security guard to make sure he left the premises.

Once class was over for the week I sat at one of the eateries in Tanin Market for a 35 baht pork with basil and chili meal with water (makes for a change from what have been used to) then ate sweet potato fries and tried a banana shake (not even close to the one in Pai) as spent the night looking up Beijing and Shanghai accommodation and watching a 10 episode Archer marathon to get up to the end of Season 3; that's over 200 minutes of awesomeness!!

I enjoyed a deserved lie in on Saturday then did a mini spring clean of the bathroom and floor using water and paper towels which wasn't the most hygienic but am I really going to buy proper cleaning equipment or pay for cleaners when only here a month?! No fecking way! I put my small pile of accumulated rubbish outside, ate fried seafood in curry sauce at Nokpochana in the market (lady was surprised I didn't find it spicy) and set to work on the Pai blog until 6.45pm when needed to be presentable as was meeting my two colleagues at Prego's Italian Thai Restaurant just inside the moat; mirror on one side really confused me initially. Remarkably this was the first time we had met up outside of class or even spoken without Hugh being about so was really nice and meant could forget teaching as spoke about our respective lives and ambitions whilst enjoying exceptional food. Trip Advisor reviews repeatedly mentioned how good the Khoa Soi crispy noodle dish was (Northern Thailand and Laos specialty) and so gave it a whirl with chicken and it turned out to be one of the best Asian dishes I have ever tried; the linguine pasta with local spicy sausage was fine, besides the size and the fact the waiter tried forcing it on me mid starter. We found ourselves the last remaining customers when sat on the soft chairs with our drinks as just kept talking and talking till gone 10pm when I headed home and published my post using Firefox seeing as Chrome does some funny things with the layout that almost made me pull my hair out in frustration.

It was a rare cool night so decided to stay in my bed till was good and ready to vacate it so could start the arduous process of another blog or two before the day was out- man on a mission and my own fault for being behind; partying in Cambodia and Pai for days on end will do that! I spoke to my bro and tried looking on the net for a free live stream of the Australian Grand Prix (first one of a new season) with the best one still requiring a pricey text to some promotion site and only making it to half way through the race when it wanted me to repeat the procedure. I just accepted commentary until that too went silent but was fortunate no more significant incidents occurred on the way to Kimi Raikkonen winning setting the scene for next weekend when I will be there WATCHING IT LIVE! With burning back on in the fields surrounding the city and the temperature generally warmer I had the a/c on for most of the day except for the one time I ventured outside to Top's Supermarket and the cheaper, more Asian variant. I am ashamed to say it but even though was St Patrick's Day I treated myself not to beer, but to Weet-Bix, milk and sugar (what is happening to me?) as had been a long time. This did, however, mean my huge fridge was on for the next 36 hours chilling a measly 1 litre bottle of milk but it was worth it when used my plastic salad bowl and spoon to enjoy a taste of home! I got another blog published and this one started then late evening put on Prohibition film Lawless with Tom Hardy and Gary Oldman- not as great as aspired to be. No covers, or even clothes by that matter, were practical when lay down as hoped today was a one off climate wise.

With my friends living it up on the islands, a lot of work and other bits to be done and me saving for my weekend away to KL I lived like a bit of a hermit till left for the airport but didn't mind as more than enough to keep me busy/entertained. Monday was to be the last time I would do my lesson planning in the hours before the lesson itself as it was too much of a ball ache than it's worth and I was never fully prepared regardless how well some turned out. With just two teachers at a time from now on it was just myself and Margit initially till Hugh arrived and we could begin proceedings. Apparently Thai folk forget everything over the course of a weekend or just take a while to function as I regretted going first with little participation from anyone and a general lack of confidence from the beginners with no one willing to open their mouths louder than 1 decibel. It took an age to go over the differences between nouns, adjectives and verbs which decreased my STT no end but ironically was a successful lesson as they did just about understand given the countless examples and constant drilling aimed at them. Margit pulled out of the bag her best lesson to date (frustrating as students wide awake now) then Hugh helped me no end with ideas for next time so got right onto producing a plan for it the moment I walked in the door, shake and snacks in hand. I sent it on at 9.30pm, organised a bunch of files that were littered all over my computer and for some god knows put on Resident Evil 5- Retribution; awful is an understatement! I stopped it mid way through to Skype Amy and suffered another 40 minutes till gone 2.30am when took time to settle and sleep.

There was no class to think about today so made sure I 'got shit done'! I was 'on it' from the moment my head left the pillow so backed up everything new on my laptop, located repair shops and money changers on Google and put a load of unspeakably smelly clothing into a bag, which included the bed sheet and all towels because something invisible is biting me all over inside the apartment. I finished off the cereal and milk, handed the laundry to a mother and son team by The Loft (he spoke English better than her), gave in my device to MTEK Notebook Service Shop and carried on going all the way to Loi Kroh Road to change 3007 THB into 310 MYR at 'Super Rich Money Exchange'. At 'Jaguar' Rentals I handed over a copy of my passport and got changed onto another near identical bicycle as there were no mechanics about just to tighten my handlebars or oil the chain (?? not exactly technical) but felt more solid and the brakes actual aided in stopping now- always a plus in accident prone Thailand. I bought good stationary at the 'Art and Schools' shop by the UN Irish Bar (should of been there Guinness in hand yesterday but nevermind) then sped home to Skype Nick, at 2am his time, on my Kindle once it redownloaded the program hearing how he hasn't changed a bit and his mini epiphany in Asia has amounted to very little- knew that would happen. I went to collect my overheating laptop from MTEK, at a cost of 500 baht (for 'cleaning' and the addition of a tiny piece of plastic to the charger as the metal end was too long), printed off 40 b & w sheets and 12 colour sheets for lessons/China/KL at a good discount, and organised them all before completing one day of diary and having to go out once again. My 6+ kilo's of fresh washing was lying neatly in a pile in the families living room and cost a remarkable 75 baht so used the savings (most places charge 30 per kilo!) to purchase a cold Chang once surprised the lady at Nokpochana with another empty plate- 'next time more hot'. I caught up on writing late evening and instead of putting on a 3 hour film wisely chose to get on with my very last TEFL assignment that ended up being easier than first thought as most information was on the dozens of teacher websites, so just changed bits into my own template and format to make up lesson plans for beginner through to advanced. Once programs to change .avi and .mkv files to .mp4 were installed I left the computer on overnight to convert some videos.

Unable to wake up when supposed to it was gone 10 when carried on with and sent the drafts for the assignment, by which point it was time to use my electric trimmer for a tidy up and room in my schedule to have sit down meal for lunch- only the second time since being here this has happened. I met Mati at The Loft early and was quite calm and collected when students arrived even though was going first and it was a further 15 minutes till Ampai became on the 4th person to show. I planned to get a high STT but this did not go exactly to plan as was required to do a lot of explaining and demonstrations to show what specific words meant, which also affected my time management as the main activity was not begun till ten minutes from the end. Annoyed at myself I even said to Hugh 'I would rather do a bad lesson than have a good one with less than the required 60%'- still need three more! Upon receiving much content help towards my next two I was on my bike with a slender smile on my face as ate an early dinner at Nokpochana (at last my eyes were watering but only because she cheated and gave me a container full of hot chilies to add as I pleased), bought 10 donuts for 10 baht at the covered market next door and then bread and another 6 litre water from Tops so could stay in my room the next 18 hours- roll on Malaysia! That night I conjured up a plan for my last class of the week, relaxed and finished watching Archer right up to the episode literally only aired a few days ago.

With the cover off me again and fan on I awoke from an insane otherwordly dream to find huge bites all along my right side and back but could locate no insect in sight whatsoever- no idea what is going on and leaving the room for a few days couldn't of come at a better time. Once read the long 5 page evaluation of yesterday's performance I tried making sure I did everything possible to get the students talking as much as humanely posslbe. We all met up at the Paradise TEFL's classroom at midday to go over some last remaining grammar points and things we were not sure of ('future present continuous) being bored to tears until there was only a few minutes to go until people arrived. Seeing Pear and Nuan early and all 6 being present by 2pm was an achievement in itself and showed how eager they were to learn English and use it in their lives. The whole time Margit was teaching I was scribbling out more things and thinking of how to explain the speaking activities insturctions clearly so when it was my turn to shine there was a certain air of confidence installed in me. Using riddles yet again I handed over sheets to Gig and Add to go through giving me a perfect start with discussions going on and most importantly them enjoying it. After I introduced some more opposites I used the intermediates help so that conversations could begin and I could take a step back and obvserve ('guide by the side' not the 'sage on stage') the pairs eventually thinking for themselves and coming up with good, full sentences managing to obtain a remarkable 75% bringing an end to my second week very nicely indeed. Apparently I am a natural at teaching (am sure friends at home would be shocked) so can hopefully use this skill effectively in other countries to fund my travels and maybe even as something to fall back on in the future if worst comes to the worst.

Knowing I could forget about TEFL for a few days now I strolled around the market taking photos, banana shake and potato fries in hand, then sat with Mati and Margit for plates of good local food before I left them at 6pm so could buy bisuits, crackers and red bull for tomorrow's journey (although ate half of it that evening) I lay out all the things I hoped to take with me on the bed, made sure all writing and typing were done, messaged people on Facebook, phoned Mum and finalised everything for my mini trip. I posted this blog at 1am, packed and lay down super dooper excited about watching the Formula One!!!!

Even though was lying on solid tock I somehow managed to sleep for over 3 hours when woke at 5.30am in Singapore Changi T2 so could check in with Tiger and walk to Gate 34 to use the wifi and make the most of soft seats in what was in fact an area to house passengers for the giant A380 plane; my route a little short so no chance of this happening.

We landed on time at 8.10am (minus an hour time difference) into Phnom Penh, CAMBODIA, and already had my e-visa sorted so strolled right through immigration whilst the majority queued up and were processed. With my bag waiting, Canadia ATM located (only one that doesn’t charge) and a tuk tuk found just outside the gate for $5 I could be forgiven to think this was far too efficient! My luck only got better when at the private bus area on the corner of a street (no official bus terminal in the city) I was given the last available seat for the 9.45am bus to Sihanoukville instead of having to wait two hours which I fully expected; lady originally said full until her supervisor corrected! Winning.

Seated at the very back corner above the engine I ate the hotdog rolls I just purchased from a vendor and started talking to Englishan Mike who sat next to me (when he came on the bus I knew we would get on) with brilliant Iranian hostage crisis film Argo being put on his laptop to take our minds off how god damn hot it was! Just about finished at the rest stop I had some tomato curry thing and was in no mood to get back on knowing everyone at the front was nice and cool! Taking longer than I anticipated we finally arrived at the out of town ‘station’ at 3.15pm and was only a short tuk tuk from best friend Amy who was standing outside The Big Easy and received a huge bear hug the moment I got out! Incredibly happy I collected my room key, briefly caught up and sipped on a celebratory draught beer (makes a change to see kegs!) before heading down the hill to see my other good mates Nick, John, Lisa and Bridget as well as Pete and Lucy who were on the popular Serendipity beach…LET THE PARTY BEGIN!

We had a group photo, signed up for a booze cruise, ate sandwiches/burgers and just embraced the fact we were all here in the same place at the same time all effectively single full well knowing this will almost certainly never happen again! Later on I uploaded a set of photos, played pool, had a few $1 Angkor’s and sat outside my bungalow with John saving money by drinking rum and vodka together with cold Sprite- only shop nearby that does it. With Mike joining we for formed a cicle of 9 that took over the pathway before going to Dolphin Shack at 11.30pm for overlong games of Beer Pong with myself and Nick losing to a tiebreak in the final. Back with the girls at a we went to the rooms at about 4am where caught the Australians crazy dancing in their pj’s. As sharing with Nick I had to force him across the bed so could sleep but the M150′s were trying not to let me.

Accepting the fact that my mind was set on 4 hours maximum rest time I got up to see everyone else in the bar area in the same zoned out state so had a light breakfast (baguette with egg, sausage and tomato) and some leftover curry before using the laptop till beach time about 1pm. We manouevered half a dozen sun loungers into place by Kurin Bar then played much frisbee and waboba (ball that bounces on water going vast distances) with the Americans. Feeling the need to ‘get back on it’ we did rounds of canned beer then moved to 75 cent draughts at happy hour- Cambodian money is Riel and 4000 to a dollar but currencies are used everywhere side by side.

With the girls having relaxed and satisfied with massages and pedicures (Bridget had a posse around her much of the afternoon) they left before us to nap as we ate cheaply at Nice Foods til sitting at Big Easy, showering and pre drinking on our porch again with myself having perhaps a bit too much vodka which is not a good thing as cannot remember the last time I had a GOOD night on cheap versions of that particular spirit. Wearing clothes we didn’t give a shit about we took part in Neon Night, getting covered in mainly orange flourescent paint partying the night away each with a bucket in hand as my memory turns hazy. Getting into one of my funny moods I went solo for a bit, let little things annoy me and wondered about aimlessly (not safest thing to do in this dodgy hole) till spoke to Bridget in her room and ended up passing out there and then.

Feeling parched, emotionally drained and mentally shattered following more sleep deprivation I spent the morning avoiding people and chillaxing with Bridget till a need for substance got the better of me. A ‘nothing day’ was on the cards as everyone found excuses not to do anything in particular and instead sat by the bar on my laptop preparing documents to send onto Australian immigration and actually applying for my Second WHV. I eventually stopped being boring and put it away so could refresh, lie down and change to enable me to be sociable and play dominoes with John, Nick and barmen T. I sampled chips with chili con carne and a cheesy garlic baguette (poor job of filling me up) and began drinking once again. John, who had not stopped all day did a phantom and never came back leaving just me and Nick to carry the flame for the rest of the group! We did this in style by rocking up to JJ’s Playground at the end of the beach and ordering the $10 big boy bucket that was monstrous in proportions and were the only ones with it; enhancing the fact we were amongst the oldest about. Unwilling to dance we literally just sat with our baby as it acted like a magnet bringing many ‘admirers’ over who could start a conversation with including Brits Emily and Miriam who were on a month long holiday but rather ditzy to say the least. We finished up and ordered two normal sized buckets, did a spot of dancing (Nick decided I have three moves- guns, missiles, napalm!) and went back via the convenience store not far off 6am with the sun starting to rise!

Despite another sub 4 hours of rest I eventually left the room for a four cheese wrap and a baguette with honey as I tried to round the group up for the booze cruise. Unfortunately Lucy, Bridget and Pete all had rather lame excuses and there was no way to change their minds so there was just 5 of us when walked to Dolphin Shack at 1.45pm. There was considerably more people than the last time I was here although the girl to guy ratio appeared to be more 50/50 so there was a silver lining. We just about had time to consume the ‘free’ buckets ($10 for whole thing) before all 90 of us squeezed onto the small, rusty boat and participated in a shotgun- cut hole in can and when signalled pull the ring so the beer takes only a few seconds to finish. We set up base up top in a corner and generally kept to ourselves as it was soon quite clear most of the people were long termers out for a jolly and not many ‘newbies’ so few games or entertainment going on which sucked.

We finished most of Amy’s hidden Smirnoff bottle before the resident policeman confiscated it (bit petty) and we had stopped by an island so we could jump into the warm, jellyfish filled ocean nearly getting John to swim into a huge one foolishly. We reluctantly ‘motorboated’ a not so good looking, rough British girl (she was trying to beat some stupid record) and avoided a group of fuckwits then took advantage of the discounted vodka red bulls till got told to swim over to a stretch of sand and take part in a whiskey train pitting males vs females. Amy, Lisa and Nick couldn’t be bothered and I got up the second had downed my share not caring who won as grown out of this sort of thing a while ago.

The boat meandered ever so slowly to Sihanoukville into a purple dusk sky with the drinks not flowing as fast as before and once had eaten an ok meal on the sand (part of the package) went to Big Easy to chill being not as drunk as would of liked.

Dominoes were played, Pete did a great impression with a walking stick and John managed to have his ass slapped extremely hard by the staff for some insane reason as split time between them and the girls. We watched some football on TV (including Liverpool vs Swansea) and went with the local guys to JJ’s for beer towers and shesha as Amy bought me a burger and none of us wanted to mix with the backpackers. I hung out with Nick discussing how much we have changed even just since we were in Europe last summer and how it was good/bad as we were last to leave about 3am.

A near lack of buckets or energy drink late in the evening meant I could at long last have a full 7 hours kip (21 in 4 days!) leaving me refreshed and feeling so much better in myself. I think I must of been the only one as the rest mucked around for an infinite amount of time as we prepared to take tukk tuks the 20 minutes to Otres Beach; no direct route so had to cut inland several times. My heart sank the moment we arrived as it was gorgeous on every level and a world away from the seediness, rubbish, ladyboys and old white guys in Serendipity where we have been staying. As I was first to book and effectively got everyone together I got annoyed at myself for not staying here but at least we came with enough time spare we could visit the remaining days. Nick received a budget manicure and pedicure as we shared a couple of beer jugs at by the white sand at ‘Blame Canada’ before playing frisbee in the water as it was very calm and grew deeper ever so gently meaning I was able to stand quite a ways offshore.

I had an in depth conversation with Bridget in the sea about various things then Me, Amy, Nick and John shared a dozen delicious fried shrimp as the others slept on the sunloungers of ‘Indigo on Otres’. It was already nearing 2pm by time we got here so only had a few hours till was time to leave disappointingly but a good evening lay ahead once a brief visit to hot and horrible Utopia was over (although did play flip cup winning one and losing the other).

Not wanting to be labelled a perve by the girls for watching the wet t shirt competition us boys resisted temptation and had some drinks in Dolphin then spent the majority of the night boogieing to classic rock songs at Kurin Bar not caring what anyone else thought- all hard at it and none of us drunk in any way shape or form (me, Nick and Amy had $2 between us).

Some great photos were taken then we rolled in the sand and sat by the bar when legs too tired to continue. Understanding each other better since our chat myself and Bridget were getting on well and left the others at one of the few open food places to go back to Big Easy very late as usual; when a power cut happened I thought the outside lights remained on but it was in fact daylight!

When out and about at 10.20am I found Nick on one of the bar sofa’s where he had spent the night and ordered myself the Big Breakfast to satisfy my hunger- not eating nearly enough as spending too much being lazy here instead of going a few doors in either direction! I paid off the food/drink tap so far (compared to what things cost in the Philippines this is ridiculous), let my stomach digest and at a still really late 1pm went to Otres Beach again.

I didn’t think it was possible but the sea was like a mirror as played frisbee with Nick and big Nebraskan Brent then wrote in my journal much to Bridget’s annoyance taking me much longer than usual due to ever present distractions. Along with Amy we sat with the Americans (including another- Tim from Colarado) for beers and banter as the Australians and Pete left to pack and get some much needed shut eye. We hung around till gone 7pm and went directly to mid market Zephyr for really good food that was a step above other places and no drunken kids about with myself receiving gifts of garlic bread, pizza slices and pasta on top of my grilled fish meal! At the bungalow I de-salted and lay down alongside an already dead to the world Nick for an hour so could get through the night as Amy continued being a legend and got me Tandhuay Rhum (Filipino stuff) as well as good vodka and cold mixers. Although all getting attacked by the ferocious mosquitoes we did a spot of pre drinking and left very nearly without John as he was totally incapacitated. The night was by no means epic but we had a fun time at JJ’s and Kurin Bar, ate $2 chicken ‘purses’ off the guy who used to manage some of the most poplular hangout’s (says he earns double cooking food) and ended outside Dolphin seeing all the unsavory characters as Nick made a brief, almost pointless appearance looking rough as having just woken up. All partied out, when the first person got up to leave the rest fell like dominoes, and once said goodbye to the amazing Bridget, Lisa and Lucy (who will next see in Melbourne in time for their 30th’s!) I tried so hard to comprehend how much time is flying as what had been looking forward to for months was on the verge of ending…

Trying not to think about the departed trio (all going seperate ways- Nepal, NZ and Australia) I got on with handing my laundry in and booking my $5 bus to the capital city in a couple of days time. In the 5 minutes we were away from Big Easy John had somehow electrocuted himself plugging his laptop into the wall as the wire got caught in his bracelet and he apparently shook for a few seconds and collapsed on the floor- he was Ok but was noticably not himself for the next 24 hours with his hands shaking way more than usual; this sort of stuff only happens to him! Along with Amy and Pete we headed over to Otres and pretty much spent the entire day playing ‘Shithead’ with Brent as Tim rolled joints for us at convenient intervals; the previous night they ‘lost’ an iPhone and credit cards which didn’t surprise me considering my camera and clothes went last year! I did go in the sea at the beginning and at sunset to break things up but I was planted to my seat for hours as quite overcast and nothing much going on and quite an addictive game with the aim being not to be the loser; contrary to most card games where it is all about winning. It was nearing 8pm when we left Indigo as the food is expensive and we needed dinner. Once packed most of my gear, made sure papers were in order and given Amy stuff to take back to Jersey (miss my puppy Max, little red sports car and the island quite a bit!) we sat in John’s room with the remnants of alcohol from yesterday watching 80′s cheese classic ‘Flash Gordon’ which was amazingly shit, hilariously bad and just plain terrible but rather entertaining and enjoyable especially when laughing amongst good friends; wondered why the likes of Timothy Dalton and Brian Blessed were in it though! Having not spent as much time or appreciated her as much as I could of I went with Amy to share a pizza half way up the hill and just talk about the things we have to look forward to and the worries we harbor for what is the next stage in our development as she goes to London and I am likely to return to Australia. If I am going to see her much in the future then my nomadic life has to change quite dramatically so is food for thought but hard to process when been a long week and past 2 in the morning.

I’m not sure if it was because I am subconsciously stressed, there not being enough fruit & vegetables in my diet or through being so devoid of liquid that I drank tap water in the middle of the night but I woke up with severe stomach cramps making me incredibly restless and irritable. A bunch of British yobs shouting their mouths off in all directions at 9.30am did not help and neither did the cheesy food (should be simple!) or the fact I didn’t know when I would see Amy again so took my mind off things by collecting my clean and folded clothes. We played cards right up until it was time for her to get onto the minibus, parted ways yet again (goodbyes are the worst thing about my 37 months on the road as done it countless times- 4th time with her alone) and shot straight to Indigo where could barely move the whole afternoon so typed up diary notes on my Kindle as the boys drank beer towers and played games- being ill sucks balls! With the girls gone we could now eat cheaply at Nice Foods ($1 plates of fried rice) before settling the room bill and watching what is possibly the best cartoon on the planet- Archer! Seriously whoever is reading this blog download it NOW! Its just awesome. It was approaching time to go out and with my cramps almost gone completely mixed vodka into a Sprite bottle and played a little catch up as found 50 cent donuts and 65 cent baguettes with John in resistance to Nick and Pete wanting $5+ pizza- ‘our tightness knows no bounds’. Once had enough of the little c**** by the beach (kids who smoked and went about with the sole aim to antagonize and piss off westerners) we caught up with Nebraska and Colarado by Sessions Bar where we stayed doing shots of Tequila and pineapple washed down with draught Angkor. Doing the unAntony sensible thing I opted to call it quits about 4 in anticipation of a long travelling day- really? so not me!

Being the deep sleeper I am I didn’t even notice Nick get up, pack and leave the room and only woke up to John tapping me on the shoulder saying they were literally leaving right that second for the border and Koh Chang. With one staying put in the US and the other going to New Zealand for a year it was perhaps the first time I had no clue when would next see either of them, let along both at the same time, but being such good mates and going through so much together the past 6 years has taught us that this won’t matter one iota!

An hour later at 8.30am it was my turn to depart Sihanoukville with everything running smoothly and on time plus having no one sitting next to me and the a/c keeping me cool the entire 5 hours to Phnom Penh (watched Ted and half of Bourne Legacy). Once visited Central Market for cheaper than duty free clove cigarettes and meaty spring roll snacks (no idea what kind of animal and didn’t want to enquire) I picked a friendly driver who was willing to accept just $4 to the airport where checked in momentarily, got away with my bag being 20.5kg and took off en route to Thailand at 5pm- now I was on my own and left to my own devices! Swweeeeettttt!

After touching down into Bangkok’s Don Mueng Airport I had to collect my bag and then check in again because Air Asia being the budget carrier it is means there is no transfer option available (called point to point in airline jargon) which could be a problem if the first flight is delayed regardless if its the same company- ridiculous! I changed my remaining $10 into THB, withdrew the maximum my bank would allow from the ATM (13,000) and almost fell on my knees to give thanks when outside 7/11 as bought myself a microwave rice meal, crisps, sandwich and water forgetting its actually not all that cheap in there. The flight to Chiang Mai was considerably shorter than expected so had to turn off my film half way in preparation to land at what would be my home for a month once done my week long excursion north. My bag was amongst the first out as flagged down a tuk tuk for a reasonable 100 baht to take me to Little Bird Hostel just inside the moat, where arrived at 9.45pm. I put all my valuables in a locker in my 4 bed dorm, washed/ changed quickly, spoke to two Chinese travellers and upon getting a beer out the fridge asked if could join a group from the American Peace Corps- two of them worked in the city and the rest had flown over from Azerbaijan as their contract was up (cool). As they consider themselves quite intellectual they made ring of fire into the most boring and tedious drinking game ever by introducing silly rules such as saying the word ‘imbibe’ instead of drink and having to describe someone in ‘third person pronoun’- what the hell?! I did in general have a fun time with them learning about the going’s on by the Caspian Sea but was great when most went to bed and it was just myself and ‘normal’ Kerry from Nebraska who shared a bucket at the bars nearby till they shut around 2 meaning we sat in the dark with a few others a fair while longer.

Not in the best state of mind when awoke mid morning I tried refreshing myself, repacked my bag and went to the shop for a sim card and a crappy brunch before checking out and catching a 60 baht ride to Arcade Bus Station to wait 40 minutes till the 12.30pm bus to Pai was ready to go. The last time I did this journey I was the most hungover I think I have ever been and got put at the back corner of a crowded vehicle so being in one that was half empty and seated on a single chair with the ability to put my leg on another seat was a dream come true! For most of the 3 hour trip I spoke with a guy from Perth who is cycling all over Asia (bike on the roof) and going to spend a month doing Muay Thai boxing to up his fitness level- not sure my ass could cope with sitting on a seat like that for days on end! When I mentioned Spicy Pai hostel, young German long boarder Thaddeus (Ted) introduced himself and we walked together the 15 minutes to it over the bridge.

I was really excited to be back at the place I had some of the best days of my entire trip in (http://escapingtherock.travellerspoint.com/22) and couldn’t wait to pick out a bed in the amazing, unique big dorm; got lucky as A6 free and very similar to my old one giving me view of half the room and as on a second level meant could have privacy and avoid using a locker all the time. I noticed that almost nothing had changed except for the staff (none I recognised) so got myself a chilled beer and sat in the open common area using my kindle and speaking to other guests befor going all the way to Pai Canyon some 8km away on a number of scooter’s (wanted a bike but none available) to see the spectacular sunset behind the hills.

On the Walking Street later on I got myself my favourite pumpkin spring rolls, other food bits and a perfect 20 baht banana shake (would go to the same place rest of the week) then much alcohol from 7/11 to take back along with everyone else- about 10 of us. During my power shower I realised just how much warmer it is compared to January as last year having a shower at night was almost unheard of the air was that cold!

In a big group of people that included mainly Brit’s we played an exciting game of ring of fire that worked as in we were all well and truly ticking by time we wanted to leave- Swede Pontis literally rolled onto the cards and knocked about 5 drinks over! Along with him and fellow Scandinavian Donika we fit three on a bike, beers in hand, as visited quiet Ting Tong’s and stayed at half busy Rasta Bar till the wee hours when apparently I walked two girls back.

I considered going for an excursion in the morning but was quite happy in my bed as was a really pleasant temperature right up till about 11am but this meant I missed the free breakfast which was devastating. I wrote in my journal then went the 300 or so yards to Fluid swimming pool with Bristol Suzy, Ted and Australian Aliesha where ate a big chicken pesto salad and bathed in the slightly green water. I aimed to keep on writing but more people meant more distractions and I inevitably gave up for the time being. Once thrown the frisbee and an inflatable ball about I left to go with Ted for a bargain 30 baht pork with chili and basil meal that included water/ice and a tasty soup.

By early evening it was time for manager Jain to take us to Wat Luang in the centre of town, as today is a key Buddhist holiday but also means all the bars are closed and none of the shops are allowed to serve alcohol- terrible news! He explained to us the meaning behind it and gave us a small bunch of flowers with a candle and incense sticks that we were to light and slowly go around the stupa three times in a clockwise direction (same as Nepal); bit of a balancing act!

I took photos with my 35mm lens as watched the locals perform the ceremony and then pray infront of the big buddha. Once shoes were taken off we went upstairs into the temple and sat infront of an elderly monk who spoke in Thai and cleansed us of sins by fanning water over us (had to watch the camera) marking the end to a very interesting cultural experience.

As the others rode to Spicy myself and Ted got more good food from the night market that included a bag of sugary things and homemade chips with mayo. At the hostel there was still beer available so had a Chang as I set up my tiny 11.6 inch latop screen and used Pontis’ burger speakers to put on the new Tarantino western- Django Unchained. If we had known before it was nigh on 3 hours in length and wouldn’t finish till nearly midnight we might of been better prepared with seating and snacks but it was an exceptionally good movie with fantastic performances from Di Caprio and Waltz- never seen the main area so busy due to town being on temporary prohibition.

I was nigh on the first up when my alarm went off at 7.55am so I could power walk to Aya Services and rent a scooter and when initially told no I almost blew a blood vessel as so sick of having a lack of freedom here that me and Mike exploited to the max during Reggae Festival. The lady knew I was going nowhere so gave me a number and told me to wait and was glad I did as in the time it took for me to go to the shop and back there was one available. It didn’t have the character of the pink pony but she’d do!

I had coffee and many pieces of toast at Spicy, made friends with shy Russian Kristina, played frisbee in the dry rice field with Ted, bought water in town and lay on my bed writing till 1pm when felt I should join the ‘Full Sun Party’. As it was just the staff getting drunk I had my 25 baht 8% Siamsato (bit like goon) and hung my legs over the edge whilst speaking to French Canadian Martine and German Susanne till it became too warm so went to Fluid when moving further and further back became tiresome. We played ball in the pool for the most part, only managing to hit the thing more than 10 times in a row on two occasions (so bad). At Spicy I sat on the swing with Kristina talking away as day turned to night then dropped the girls into town for street food, having to do a couple of trips but not minding as just love riding about the quiet roads going flat out.

That night I got shithead on the go (had to explain it) with everyone getting to grips with it quickly except for Susanne who lost 4 of the 6 games plus lost a bet with me- she stated that one of her two covered cards was guaranteed to be a 4 but seeing as I had the remaining three 4′s in my hand it would of been foolish for me not to lay a bet! HAHA. I thoroughly enjoyed my free Sangsom bucket in Hi5 Bar, just over the bridge, and was nice to of made some new friends who would be about a few days. With Martine on the back we scouted about seeing if anything was going on elsewhere with only Rasta and Bamboo Bar having significant amounts of people. Me and Susanne round each other up something chronic till one of us had to get away from the other and at 3am by the sink at the hostel veterinary nurse Martine was tending to my slightly infected foot both a bit worse for wear.

Feeling quite fresh at 9am I filled up on toast with butter and jam, chilled with the girls and left for Mo Phoeng waterfall when Susanne had rented herself a 200 baht per day beast of a new scooter. On the way we stopped at a store where Martine accidentally burned herself on my exhaust pipe rather badly so Kristine got ice and I went to fill the new bike with petrol- soo fast and smooth compared to mine! Able to carry on we followed the misleading signs that said 2km when in fact it was more like 5km, but the place was more or less empty so climbed up the rocks and looked at the view along the valley being careful to avoid a roaming cow.

I slid into the shallow middle pool where some kids were playing and whom threw leaches onto the girls (hilarious) then we ate lunch (fried rice) at what is supposed to be the main viewpoint but with all the burning that is taking place and increased humidity it was extremely hazy. For some random reason 7/11 doesn’t sell alcohol between 2 and 5 so went directly there to buy some to sneak into the monthly pool party at Fluid inside my waterproof yellow bag; 100 baht entrance but you can use that money for food or drink so effectively free today.

We congregated in a cosy middle spot and even had our own personal umbrella to keep things cool and provide shade to those who didn’t want too much sun. Once I hobo drank a Siamsato (out a plastic bag- discrete it certainly wasn’t!) I got in the water and socialised with the increasing amount of people from our hostel who fit into every available gap. Being the professional tight bastard I am I bought one beer with stubby holder from the bar and once finished just poured a mix of Sangsom, Sprite and M150 into it so anyone else would be none the wiser- received many compliments! With awesome party beat music going on, about 7 of us played cards (too many for shithead but we made it work) and I ate the scrumptious BBQ pork with jacket potato and salad although the Asian dude in front was taking just the tomatoes out of the salad bowl so made sure he knew my anger at what he was doing before I did the very same thing! Having a blast and speaking to an 18 yr old American dude (looked my age somehow) about travels we only stopped playing when it was too dark to see the damn cards and therefore time to go back- still warm enough to be shirtless.

With Ted on the back we ate 12 baht sandwiches and filled them to the brim at the deli (another good trick) then when put my foot down on the scooter his crisps flew about 50 yards behind on the way to Spicy endangering traffic. There was no rest for the wicked so had a quick shower, put on my Hawaiian shirt and continued drinking apace upstairs with most being about the same level of tipsiness. It only occurred to us to leave at 12.30 meaning only the two bars before the bridge were actually open and I fell asleep on the table drink in hand according to eye witnesses. Rather stupidly I can’t even remember riding the scooter home with Martine at some unknown hour.

As Kristine was due to take the bus out of Pai in a couple of hours I made sure I was up early so we could go to town and have a proper fried breakfast at Little Big Cafe. The owner also did the food for the party the previous day so the poor girl who was cooking had no utensils and barely any gas so watched my food be so close to being ready when it ran out and things were put individually into the tiny grill she used for toasting bread- agonizing. We were in no real rush so didn’t matter until it was pushing time for her departure just as things were finally ready after 55 minutes of waiting! Most of the food was mine (big hash brown, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, baked beans- like being at home) yet I still finished it in time to see her off at 11am alongside the others and unbeknown to me the lovely Russian had paid for it all- hopefully will see her in China as currently studying there.

Martine, Susanne and I felt it was a good time to get a back, shoulder and neck massage but my god was it a brutal experience! I mean the lady knew exactly where my painful spots were and pressed so hard I had tears in my eyes but it was for the best as if it were soft there would be no point. Back in the daylight and feeling slightly abused I loosened up and spent time typing journal on my bed till it became unbearably warm when met the girls at the pool to finish off their lunch. We tried lying down but the flies were too much and so we left and did little except watch the sun go down and sip on cold Chang’s till being too late for the majority of the restaurants kitchens to be open at only 8.15pm. We ate Thai food at a busy local eatery on walking street then went to both 7/11′s to find Sprite to go with the ‘blended spirits’ as really don’t want to drink Coke again if can help it. The intention was to have a quiet night but with a load of newbies about drinking games came to the fore as Martine kept going up and down the stairs like yo yo for ice (I wasn’t complaining). Still reluctant to go out it was only when we were literally the only two at the hostel when I put jeans on (getting colder) and made an appearance at Rasta, sharing a solitary big beer.

Due to a lack of water I was a little spaced out on what was the first day of a new month (March) and a bunch of girls having a loud conversation by the breakfast area so early in the morning was not ideal- they definitely had a sober night! Susanne persuaded me to join her and Martine to the Hot Springs about a 6km fun drive away and it was something I would regret going along with as all the big pools were empty of the cleansing thermal liquid was replaced by workmen- guy at the gate really should of said something before we each parted with 200 fucking baht! Asshole.

We did the short walk around seeing the boiling hot areas then sat in about 10 inches of water that was only 38c. Just wanting to go we did the loop via the WW2 Memorial Bridge and Pai itself, getting 93kmh out the 100cc machine, then upon finding out the download speeds of Spicy’s wifi were top notch I put on about 20gb worth of films (Lincoln, Life of Pai etc) and TV shows (Archer and Breaking Bad).

I spent many hours catching up on my diary then at 6.30pm went to meet Martine at the Cookery School where had dropped her off at earlier in the day. As she and the two other’s were still hard at it I could watch and eat whatever was left for free- Tom Yam soup, chicken with ginger, spring rolls and sticky rice with mango; very good and friendly teacher who made it almost totally hands on which is a complete contrast to the one I did in Udaipur, India. We were on the alcohol again by 9pm and this time there was no chance of venturing off the property so just played cards, shared a big bottle of spirit and spoke with two people from Colarado meaning lots of Wild West talk and US history.

As the girls were off on a trip to explore the parts of Pai they had missed (done it last time so not fussed) I skyped Anya for the first time in 2013 with her being in Nassau, Bahamas celebrating someones birthday on a rare night off from dancing on the cruise ship Carnival Sensation; made me quite happy to say the least. When done I went through half a dozen pieces of toast, downloaded some more, gave tips to Jolin about the Philippines, noticed a number of people leaving and carried on writing till at long last finished at 1pm. Martine appeared out the blue to say she had a bungalow sorted at the place up the lane (her treat) so speedily and sweatily put my various things that were scattered about everywhere into my bags, settled the bill (only 150 baht a night) and moved- next time will come during the festival again as better weather and a much more awesome vibe.

Once settled in the big ensuite room (complete with couch but bad internet) we ate a rip off lunch, washed some clothes in the sink (my top and shorts looked clean but my god was the water brown), chilled, took photos and looked at where to stay in Chiang Mai. Dinner was had at the highly recommended Curry Shack (made sure was there in opening hours this time) and as it was our last night in Pai I bought the Rolling Stones singlet that was stolen off me, as well as another one with James Dean on (both for 400 baht). As Martine looked at jewellery the wind picked up and stars disappeared which could only mean one thing- rain! As all the shop keepers started to pack away the first few droplets landed on my face so got my banana shake and was jogging to the bike when the heavens opened. I foolishly rode on the street to pick her up but a man didnt look when carrying his things across and it was either hit him or bail and so I slid along the oily wet tarmac with the bike on top and shake all over me! I was lucky in that I only had small cuts and grazes to my legs and feet but was shaken up and soaking wet when sheltered in 7/11.

When the torrential rain subsided enough to warrant a safe and slow passage we left and she yet again nursed my wounds as drank a beer to take my mind off the pain (stings so much). We joined Susanne, Ted and the rest at Spicy for drinks and cards when I was ready then spoke to Mum and Dad on the phone, primarily as had received a message saying I had been ‘off the radar’ (been less than a week!). Jain and co had put on a BBQ (so glad didn’t sign up for it with the weather like it is) and with there being a tonne of mash potato left tucked in till tiredness set in and I was out like a light within 5 minutes of entering our room at quite an early hour.

Up at 8am we sorted ourselves out then I did two trips to the bus station as was impossible to carry both of us and all our belongings remotely safely plus got one last burn out my aging scooter not knowing when will use one again. Once I had my passport and 100 baht helmet deposit back (never used it as no strap anyway) the four of us drank smoothies, ate artificial sandwiches at 7/11 and boarded the minivan out of town.

I was sad to leave Pai again especially when have come to terms with the fact it is too much of a mission to come here for just a weekend (original intention was to visit during my time doing TEFL) but know I will be back as truly is set in such a beautiful, laid back area full of like minded individuals…now it is time to temporarily be part of real life in Thailand’s northern city.